Miriam Buttu

Transcript

Confident bold vibrant and strong that was me at least that was the part of me that most people knew no one ever would have imagined that under the surface I felt defective and deeply insecure you see for so many years my my hair had been falling out slowly but with unwavering consistency and I did everything in my power to make sure that no one would ever find out from hats to bandanas to head scarves and hair extensions I did everything in the book I even upgraded to a $3,000 wig made with real human hair thinking that that would be the solution that would finally eliminate

the fear and anxiety that had been paralyzing me for so many years but who was I kidding just like a Tylenol won't hear a broken bone the wind was not about to heal my deep and open wounds of shame it was just another band-aid solution that managed the pain but didn't even come close to resolving the root issue the shame just continued to get worse and it forced me to find new and creative ways to hide my defect I went from being a social butterfly to barely leaving my house and I gave up my love for bright colors and bold patterns and I embraced dark

plain and baggy clothing I stopped putting my hands up for opportunities that I found exciting and playing small became my way of life you see the root issue was never about the hair loss itself it was about how I felt about myself as a result of the hair loss that was the issue 18 years of hiding myself from the world and dimming my light it was exhausting but the epiphany that would change everything forever did come as I stood over my 21 year old cousin's body on the day of his funeral people talking about the impact that he made on their lives and how he

made them feel what they didn't say was that he had great hair or that they would have loved him more had he been a little bit thinner more muscular shorter taller more social less vocal no as I looked over his body in the casket it all suddenly made sense his body was there but he was not because he is not his body his body was simply the vessel the carrier of his soul the soul that was on a mission to impact thousands around the world which is still happening till this day it finally clicked my body and my hair is not at all an accurate

reflection of who I am or what I'm capable of doing or the impact that I am making here today that was the moment that I believed for real in my heart that I am enough as I am in this moment with or without a full head of hair and with or with this wig on my head and that despite my imperfections and regardless of where I am in my journey I am worthy of love and belonging and success and everything else that I desire for my life that realization changed my life I suddenly felt confident and brave again like the person I used to be

before I lost my hair in that moment every ounce of my being was saying it is time it is time to do the thing that has scared me for most of my life say it out loud talk about it start the conversation show up authentically and vulnerably it is time to step into my power again take it back knowing that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of once I started talking about my hair I was showered with love and empathy from people everywhere they said that they too felt paralyzed and controlled by their insecurities whether it was their weight or their skin or their

mental health or anything else that we believe defines us they said that they too were ready to step into their power when I started to talk about my hair and I realized the world did not crash and burn I knew that I was actually safe to do all the other things that I previously let my hair stop me from doing like training for my first 5k run ever outside on the streets not worrying about who is watching I've put my hand up to speak on stages worldwide including this one and I have launched my own series of lifestyle design retreats for women like me who

know for a fact that they are the only ones standing in the way of their dreams you see I am no longer in hiding and playing small is a thing of the past the future has playing big written all over it

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