Ted Lyberogiannis

Transcript

Ladies and gentlemen tonight you have heard and you will hear a number of powerful speeches about personal transformation but tonight I'd like to share with you the most important personal transformation that you can ever make by show of hands how many of you either go to the gym or have made and broken at least one new year's resolution to go to the gym show of hands come on be honest okay almost everyone in the room now I promise you the purpose the personal transformation that I'm talking about actually has nothing to do with getting fit and has nothing to do with looking great the personal

transformation I'm talking about is becoming cool folks there is nothing and I mean nothing cooler than letting the world know that you go to the gym and over the next five minutes I'm going to show you what you need to do when you go to the gym to transform into cool now the first thing you need to do is you need to subscribe to a bodybuilding magazine now everything in this magazine is 100% true for example suppose you wanted to know how to get huge arms there you have it the six top secrets the huge arms but don't take my word for it obviously the

gentleman on the cover of the magazine got those huge arms exclusively by following the six top secrets the huge arms now when you're done with the magazine it's critical that you leave it in a highly visible place such as your desk at work that way when your coworkers walk by your desk and see the magazine they'll say wow you're so cool you subscribe to a bodybuilding magazine you must go to the gym folks you are now ready for the gym when you go to the gym the only thing you have to do is scout out and find the heaviest weight possible and start doing bicep

curls now let's suppose just for a second that this right here is a 1,000 pound dumbbell now remember form and technique don't matter the only thing that matters is the mass of the dumbbell and how loud you can grunt as you are doing the repetitions when you do this everybody who sees you at the gym will say wow you're so cool look how heavy that dumbbell is now all cool people that go to the gym know the value of nutrition when you're finished your laborious workout it's vital that you go straight to the health food store and purchase this ridiculously expensive jar of protein now

the bigger the jar the more effective the protein is now when you're done with the protein similar to the magazine it's critical that you leave it in a highly visible area such as your desk at work preferably with the lid off and on its side like that way when your co-workers walk by your desk and see the empty jar they'll say wow you're so cool look how much protein you ate you must go to the gym now folks a word about how you are to walk in public it's very important that you walk with your chest out and your arms out like this at a

37 degree angle now for those of you have taken grade 6 math you know that this device right here is called a protractor it's important that periodically you calibrate to the desired 37 degree angle when you do this everyone who sees you will say wow you're so cool you can't even fit through the door now finally and most importantly this is the most important part if you get this part wrong you might as well throw everything I've said and take everything off this stage and throw it in the garbage pay very very close attention anytime you are in the public eye it is critical critical

that you wear clothing that is about eight sizes too small for your body when you do this everyone who sees you will say wow you're so cool you can't even fit in your shirt now most of you now many of you think that going to the gym is all about getting in shape and looking good but if you follow the techniques that I've outlined in my speech not only will you complete your transformation into cool but you'll look at yourself in the mirror and say wow I'm cool bottom jaw

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