Overcoming Addiction: A Powerful Story of Choosing Joy
Speaking on the theme Reinvention at Speaker Slam® in Toronto on Jan 28, 2020, Adrienne Enns took the stage with a five minute story.
Transcript
when I was just about to head into rehab there were a couple of things I had to be sober for 72 hours and I had to check myself in 72 hours is a long time when you're only coping strategy with life has been numbing it all out on the day that I stopped drinking they found Whitney Houston in a bathtub in a hotel in Beverly Hills I felt connected to her and I thought about all of the things that addiction robs us of our gifts our moments our vitality our relationships our work and time the pain of this was almost unbearable and the thought of
getting all of these things back felt almost as insurmountable as my shame when 72 hours was up I called that facility and the woman on the phone asked me how I was feeling I feel awful to which she replied amazing you're feeling something well in those early days I felt raw and confused but I also felt calm and even happy like a very big weight was being lifted for me a pivotal moment came in a conversation that I had with a woman who I believed could help me she said based on everything you've told me I have two things to say to you one you're
not serious about this and two I don't believe it when people say they're happy well in that moment I felt wildly angry angry enough to choose myself I refused to be defined by her or by my worst moments and if I was going to all of this trouble to turn my life for around I did want to be happy I wanted to know deep joy I'd put a lot of energy into that addiction imagine what I could do if I use that energy for good so it's funny now how three days could feel like an eternity today I have been sober for two thousand nine
hundred and seven days so I gonna do some super rough math three days to nearly three thousand days is a thousand times more sober I feel a thousand times better mentally physically emotionally and while I thought that addiction was the thing that I had to overcome it only gave me the very basic life skills that I would need to navigate a divorce leave my job start my own company live day-to-day and have rich relationships with my family my friends and my kids I know that joy is a choice and I know that addiction has been my greatest teacher what I thought addiction had robbed me
of it had only disconnected me from from myself and from the world around me the first thing I reclaimed were my moments because it's all I could handle could I be here could I let you see me was I willing to see you could I tell you that I'm sad that I am scared or that I love you and could I hear you tell me that you're sick that you're sorry that you're leaving or that you love me could I feel the immensity of this world and choose another way with joy and love and intention and the moments add up here we are if I
fill my cup up with joy maybe some of that's gonna spill over into your cup we're gonna smile we're gonna remember that we are more the same than we are different let's heal together create a world that we want to live in together and if you are lost or you get lost and you want to numb this whole place out I get it and I'm telling you it's not the answer I want you to know that you're not alone I want you to choose yourself and I want you to choose joy and I have one secret for you the joy it has always been right
here thank you
Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.