Anu Tähemaa

Transcript

do you know that feeling when you'd like to run free but you just can't like someone is holding your arms holding your back holding your legs covering your mouth that tension you like a prisoner in your own body you want to scream you want to express but they want you to give up do as they say this was my Estonia over 60 year under Russian occupation we were like a prisoners in our own country communist occupation means extreme State control over everything there was only one way how to think how to speak how to behave even how to dress we wanted to break free we

were like the prisoners in our country despite everything I had a nice childhood in those times when children wear dark clothes and shoes this all what we had in our stores imagine little blonde girl standing by wearing red shiny rubber boots sent by my Canadian relatives this was a highlight of my childhood those boots made me so confident and I felt such joy we couldn't express ourself but we learned it's always better to sing than to Cry Freedom is never taken for granted Estonia fought for it lost it and sang it back our dream was bigger than the fear imagine September 88 the political situation

in Europe for T so thick you can cut it with a knife usually Revolution means violence but estonians used singing instead singing together through all those centuries gave us courage and hope to survive for four years people gathered together without no weapons just singing to take a stand against Soviet Union and that's why it's called a singing Revolution people gather together to sing in a small groups in Estonian which was not allowed KGB was watching and it was very real to get yourself to prison or even to be killed by KGB but 1991 Estonian Independence was restored people were so happy you can feel our

joy they gathered together to the singing Festival ground to sing all those songs at the same time the tanks were in the streets Army was there and Army and police were standing by watching and waiting but Freedom won not a single gunshot not a single dead body just freedom this was a big thing but sometimes Joy can be also you know smaller things like this matchbooks during this period there is so many different stories to tell but one was about the TV tower in talin this was our last connection between Western World and Soviets didn't want us to tell to the world about our independent

so they wanted to take this TV tower over but people on the 22nd floor found a little Matchbox and they put this between elevator doors so it couldn't close and the Army and soldiers needed to use the steps instead luckily they never made it higher than the second floor where was the vka bar they got so drunk that they couldn't proceed as you can tell freedom and our being is so natural just to sing over the centuries this is such a joy and also singing for me it's a joy it's expression I can feel free in my own body and I think it's always better

to sing than to cry so I invite you let's bring joy to nowadays world and sing together this traditional song i s sang to W thank

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

mother at the age of 20. I was suddenly unable to move my arms because of terrible shoulder pain at night I needed help to lift my baby so I started to visit doctors they found nothing it sounded like I was just faking the pain but I didn't and then I heard about a lady the woman was blind and she saw with her hands to heal people I remember it was there long dark Corridor cold with the smell of candles and those golden Russian Orthodox icons so I went in and she didn't ask anything we were in silence and suddenly she put her hands on my

shoulders and said there is a man in your life who hurts you no I'm good and happily married you are full of hate if you will not forgive the pain will stay with you forever come on my friends call me sunshine I don't hate anyone and suddenly I started to hear all the painful messages from my memory Anu you have a short and round legs like a fox I wonder how you can run and not fall look at your hands big Palms like a milkmaid why are you studying music play violin and what are you hoping to see from Mirror you can't make white bread

out of poo thin hair and big eyes like a frog did you hide my hands and I I try to make my eyes smaller and I get my hair short so people for that I was a boy and I didn't look at the mirror when he happened to be close but I was secretly wondering do I really look so bad our brains can't process if some something is meant as an irony or a joke either way repetition is powerful I learned this much later in my life but at the age of 16 I truly believed I'm the ugliest girl in the world I feel sad

and miserable and I lacked confidence God why did you create me like this maybe it's even better not to be alive at all and on my wedding day when I was 18. I wore a beautiful handmade dress from my auntie I had my hair and makeup professionally done I had a veil and the bracelet designed for my local artists especially for me and I never felt more beautiful as I stood there my father walked toward me and our eyes met you might ask why he do this was he a bad person no he just didn't know how to show love he wasn't aware of the

power of words but he was definitely wrong yes we had time before he passed away to speak I forgave him but my healing took a long time my whole life when someone told me oh no you look great I believe they pitted me I felt deeply uncomfortable and I got even mad when someone took photos of me no matter what they said my own belief stopped me from being who I am do you know what is the most desired profession today of young girls no not doctors not teachers not CEOs girls want to look great and become influencers they will do anything to look good

and great in social media they compare themselves with the famous people and at the same time the amount of depression and suicide is rapidly increasing who creates those ideas our ideas of beauty are often shaped by others and most frequently by our parents in society and the media but who are they to determine what is beautiful and yet we listen we believe and we embody the views those opinions can us and lead us down a path of self-loathing so that message we give to our children is so powerful we need to be more aware about most people never share the pains we get used to

our emotional pain and comfortable with our negative self-image because it seems so normal but it's not we have to destroy this false true break it down and accept ourselves whatever others say always ask is it a fact or just someone's opinion today I allow myself to be in photos and happily post them and I'm even talking today in video right now because I love myself I feel beautiful and I have something to say we all do so let's speak from our house oh

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.