Brett Nelson

Transcript

it was a night that changed my perspective and by extension my life it was the spring of 1981 a Friday night and as always on a Friday night I was in the favored watering hole with The Usual Suspects a gang of about 15 to 20 people who all worked at the same company being mostly young and mostly male we did what young men do on a weekend drank beer be obnoxious chase women I was so green back then no blushing virgin mind you and certainly not a wide-eyed innocent but definitely not a seasoned veteran of the battle of the sexes or you know the game

of Seduction I was young not quite 21. I was egotistical self-serving hedonistic but I was sexy firm tight tush Rippling muscles long flowing locks a chiseled jawline twinkling eyes and an Ever ready if somewhat practiced smile as my best friend's wife often said a pretty boy with just a hint of intellect I was a real lady killer a legend in my own mind that particular Friday night I was sitting next to one of the women who worked in our office she was more than acquaintance but not a close friend throughout the night we were engaged in conversation on and off and as time passed more

on than off a few times when reacting to something funny I had said she would touch my arm or my thigh which caught me off guard she was seducing me I had never thought of her as a sexual person I mean she wasn't really my usual type she was older than me by a handful of years that wasn't really a big problem and it's not that she was unattractive she was actually very pretty no that wasn't the issue the problem was she was a bigger girl you know round bodacious large not just was not done certainly not by guys like me I mean come on

seriously I had a reputation around 11 o'clock she got up to leave turned to me and said well Mr Nelson are you going to stick around here chasing after these skinny ass bimbos or do you want to come home with a real woman and learn something I'm still not sure why I agreed to go with her could have been the alcohol it might have been the directness of her question which left me no reasonable reason for refusal it just may have been the frankness of her gaze that told me that to say no would be to miss out on something very special either way I

went with her as I said earlier it was a night that changed my perspective the way I view the world she was plump but she was also intelligent and witty patient and understanding she was sensual passionate and sexy and above all she was beautiful inside and out when I returned to civilization late on Sunday afternoon I was a changed man an exhausted man but I changed one nonetheless and this was no weekend layover we enjoyed a warm affectionate beautiful relationship for some time until the fates took us in different directions I will never forget her she opened my eyes and made my life bigger and

better because of her I understand that anybody is beautiful every body is beautiful everybody is beautiful beauty is not in the eye of the beholder Beauty just is beauty is seeing the best in ourselves in everything and everyone around us if you do not see beauty in someone else it is not their fault it is yours for not seeing what is there for all to see everybody be it big or small thin or fat a Heavenly Body or a body of water is a body beautiful

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

I woke up one morning and remembered what had happened I remembered for the first time what you did to me all those years ago and with that memory came the Deluge of all the choices I made afterwards the hiding the secrecy the lies the guilt the shame self-loathing the alcohol the drugs but worst of all the constant desperate search for love and acceptance and the complete and utter failure to find true intimacy in a never-ending parade of sexual conquests and encounters did you impact my life like a stone thrown into a calm lake the ripples of your actions spread across the Waters of my life

seemingly never to dissipate repercussion upon repercussion consequence after consequence always searching but never knowing what for always striving but never knowing why always longing but never understanding what it was I truly longed for the rare and brief moments of Peace extinguished by the nagging inner voices reminding me of my unworthiness and yeah I found Refuge though if only as a distraction learn to cherish it Nestle in it build a life within it although incomplete did I thrive to an extent but never fully whenever I set to take Wing the chains of my inadequacies brought me to a screeching halt I was unworthy I was damaged

I was flawed not meant for great things and so it went until that day then that morning I awoke the memory of your face clear to me clear as a bell your actions and all their consequences so plain and obvious like a poorly written script for a television movie of the week so plain so obvious so preventable had I only known the rules but I was a child I didn't know there were any I was a child I didn't know things like this could happen I was a child but then I guess that was the point the attraction I know you never thought about this

about the effects on my life it never occurred to you what would happen did it ever cross your mind what consequences would befall me I'm sure that it didn't just as I'm sure that it never crossed the mind of the man who did the same thing to you all those years before yes I understand that the vast majority of people who perpetrate these acts were also once victims of these very acts themselves when they were children so even though it existed for a while my hatred for you my anger my rage is gone it's dissipated and has been replaced by peace understanding and forgiveness I

will not honor or continue your tradition I end it here for I have cast a new stone upon the waters of my life and I watch as the ripples fade and spread I choose peace I choose understanding I choose forgiveness for that is the true impact you had upon my life that is an impact that will last and bear fruit

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.