Chris Ruden

Transcript

I mean who would have thought you could actually enjoy being called a buttthe head I was born with a congenital birth def requiring amputation of most of my left hand people always stared and I hated that so I hid my hand for 17 years normal pleasantry is like hi nice to meet you we repl with ew he's a monster and what's wrong with your hand but every day my mom asked me did you enjoy your day honey it was great mom I lied to my mom every single day for 17 years the thought of telling her the truth killed me I was embarrassed that she

had a kid that looked like me that she gave birth to a monster she busted her ass doing doubles and 16-hour shifts just to provide but one day I couldn't keep up the lie I was 14 years old when I was arrested by the Secret Service or so I thought I was in Washington DC on a field trip and the Secret Service told me to take my hand out of my pocket the pocket that I hid my hand in my entire life I refused over and over they demanded but I refused so they took me in the back to the Secret Service prison camp where

I was surely going to be tortured for the rest of my life turns out they were just part-time security guards with flashlights they finally did get me to take my hand out of my pocket expecting some sort of AK-47 but all they saw was a disfigured hand on a broken little kid can you imagine a room full of people fixated on what you hate most about yourself I'll never forget going home crying in the mirror saying you are a monster you're disgusting and that was the first day I was ever honest with my mom did you enjoy your day honey why did you do this

to me mom why did you make me like this you're a nurse mom you fix everyone else but not even your own son why did you even have me and she said something no parent should ever have to say to their kid she broke down and cried and she could barely the words I'm sorry it was that moment I knew I needed to change something because I never wanted to see my mom like that again I never wanted to see her like that again I was so angry at the way I was born and the way life was going I mean how could I ever

enjoy my life when I couldn't even enjoy my day maybe you know what it's like to hit rock bottom to have nothing left to give but then I asked myself a question that changed everything what does enjoy actually mean we all use it like it means to give or to to receive joy for us right but that's actually the opposite of its origin the atmology or origin of the French word Ena means to give or to make Joy enjoy is actually a verb it means to make Joy not receive it but how could I ever make joy for others when I was so busy destroying

my own peace after all peace is Joy at rest and joy is just peace on its feet do you ever find yourself expecting from others what you're not willing to give yourself can you really linger in the desert and hope for rain I dedicated my life to giving Joy helping people see their World Without Limits and somehow that landed me on a TV show with Dwayne The Rock Johnson as I stood there on stage all the lights and cameras and hundreds of thousands of people everything went black and all I could think about was my mom crying hugging me saying I'm sorry and I'll never

forget what I said back to her I said it's okay Mom I'll figure something out I figured it out joy is meant to be given not received but the funny thing is you can't give it without receiving it right back there's a text message I want to share from my mom I'll do my best to impersonate her hi honey called to tell you I'm so proud of you and everything you're doing I love you call me back butthead I mean who would have thought you could actually enjoy being called a butthead that broken kid found peace mom and peace comes not from taking a hand

hands off approach to waiting for it but to taking a Hands-On approach to creating it for everyone around you Joy is a job and congratulations you're hired you start tonight and I hope you kick

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

home is where the heart is so bring your heart home by now you've probably noticed that I was born differently I was born permanently attractive at least that's what my mom tells me put me in any room and I just feel at home people notice my cool arm or my openness to connect and talk and boom I have a new best friend add to the fact that I broke a world record I'm in a bunch of magazines and I even did a TV show with Dwayne The Rock Johnson I am really really cool on paper because you see feeling at home is relatively new for

me so let me take you back to my life and how it used to be before I learned to find home anywhere I go ew look at his hand that's disgusting look at his arm that's so gross you're so nasty you're a monster honestly you should just kill yourself that was Patrick one of the many kids who made fun of me for the way I was born something I couldn't control my entire life I felt like I had underwear on the outside of my pants and I could do nothing about it because of the condition that I was born with I tried so hard to

fit in with everyone else but I just never felt at home and even after a half decade of bullying I thought everything was turning out great because at 14 I finally worked up the courage to ask out the prettiest girl in school Crystal to be fair there's only three girls in my school and my beautiful now girlfriend wasn't one of them but I I remember walking up to Crystal's desk I was so confident and excited I look back at my friends and they're all laughing I'm like guys stop you're going to mess this up until I realized why they were laughing because when I turned

back around Crystal was making fun of my hand with a stapler calling me claw boy she humiliated me in front of the entire class and she broke my already broken heart I hid my hand for 17 years after that moment in my pocket and in a glove I felt more like a monster in a cage than a kid with a home I couldn't stand the sight of myself I hated feeling broken and useless and helpless and less than but worst of all I hated feeling embarrassed that my parents had a kid who looked like me there was no place for me no place felt like

home home I hated being around people with disabilities because they weren't hiding but I hated being around people without disabilities because I needed to hide around them there was no place for me and I thought there never would be I thought there never would be have you ever felt this sense of existential homelessness this feeling that no matter where you go you just don't fit in or maybe you're like me and you know exactly what it's like to be in a room full of people and still feel completely alone I ran away from home emotionally for 17 years until I met a little girl with

diabetes who changed my life I was speaking at an event with a thousand people at the Disney Resort but I spent all day with this little girl who was just diagnosed with diabetes she followed me around like a puppy we had literally the best day I remember walking down this long Corridor and she was walking to my left which was already strange but it wasn't a problem until she grabbed my hand that I was hiding and was swinging it carelessly I froze I wanted to disappear but before I could do anything she looked up at me and she smiled and she said it's okay you

don't have to hide around me that broke me in the best way possible a thousand people were there to hear me speak but she's the only one who actually saw me in that moment she taught me a lesson that changed everything she invited me back home to myself she made me feel comfortable enough to stop hiding and to bring my heart home that I was enough that belonging is felt before it is found you see you'll never find home if you're too busy running away from it cuz you can't fix what you're not willing to face shortly after that I I stopped hiding my hand

that was 4 years ago and started living my life at 27 years old for so long I thought I was angry and depressed when in reality I was just homesick and I find that a lot of us are homesick sick of home being nowhere we look sick of not bringing our heart home we so desperately crave what we want from others but we refuse to give it to oursel acceptance self-acceptance is the answer to belonging anywhere you go and self-acceptance is not earned from others but it's learned by you George Moore said a man will travel the world in search of what he needs only

to return home to find it you need to bring your heart home maybe home is where you can take your underwear off maybe home is where you don't need to put on underwear in the first place I'd invite you all to take your underwear off but that would probably create more problems so instead you can help me in leaving this exactly where I started home is where the heart is so bring your heart thank you everyone

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.