Craig Colby

Transcript

I first learned about the power of no as a teenage boy. Yeah, that guy knew he was sexy. It did take a long time before he found anyone who agreed with him. As a high schooler, I heard no so much that even yeses became no. Let me give you an example. In my senior year, my best friend Dave and I were the MC's at the sports banquet, like a prestige gig, head table, and I decided I was going to cash in on that cache by asking out Sonia, this funky alternative artist.

So, I called her up. I asked the question. There was a long pause and a sigh and she said, "Yes, but only as friends." Sonia wore a backless dress. H, she looked so good. And you know what? We had a good time. We had so much fun that at the end of the night, I asked Sonia if I could kiss her good night. What do you think she said? Of course, she said no. Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't? The good thing is I learned a lot from all of those nos.

I took some lessons away. I learned maybe get a haircut every once in a while. I learned to ditch the birth control glasses. You know what really worked? I moved out of town. Moving out of town helped a lot. But mostly I learned that maybe don't take all of those nos so personally. Everybody isn't for everybody. You know, Sonia didn't owe me anything. You're going to hear a lot tonight about the power of saying no, but being able to listen to no is just as impactful.

The problem is we don't hear no very much anymore. We don't ask in person. What do we do now? Send a text or an email. And if people don't like the answer they're going to give us, what do they do? They ignore you. What does anybody learn from that? What does ghosting someone tell them about you? Almost exactly eight years ago, Vanessa, my boss's boss, called me in for a one-on-one meeting. That never happened. So, I knew something was up. I went in and sat down, and Vanessa told me, "We're moving your job to Washington, DC, and no, we're not moving you with it."

She said she wanted this meeting to be just the two of us without my boss, without human resources, so I could say whatever I wanted. Think about that for a minute. Think about the courage that took. She didn't know what I was going to do. Here's what I said. I said, "No, Vanessa, that's not going to be necessary. I'm not happy here. I think this is for the best." And that was true. And then I asked her how she was doing because I'd been in that chair and it's not great.

I gained so much respect for the way Vanessa handled that. And I think she saw something in me too because she offered me the chance to address my team, the people who reported to me at the big boardroom meeting where they were announcing my departure along with some other layoffs. I got to go into that big boardroom, full boardroom, and tell the people that I stood shoulder-to-shoulder with that I'm not going to be here anymore, but I'll always be here for you.

That was an important moment for me. Now, I don't think that moment happens if Vanessa slips me an envelope and tries to rush me out the door or gives me the news in some group Zoom meeting. That kind of humanity only really happens face to face. We think no is some terrible ending. But I had the best years of my career after I lost that job. Financially, creatively, emotionally. And as for this guy, he married the best person he ever met.

Beautiful in every way there is to be. We've been married for 27 years. We have two beautiful boys. I'd applaud for that, too. We think that people are going to resent us for no. But the next time I saw Vanessa at a birthday party a few months later after she lost her job, she smiled. She gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. And as for Sonia Bluebeck, Sonia, she and I have been friends for 40 years. I hired her as a director.

She didn't say no to that. And I cherish that friendship. Sure, no is uncomfortable, but no is also an opportunity. No is a chance to show some character, and that is powerful. So the next time you have the chance to ghost somebody, do yourself a favor. Instead, just say no. No. That's right. Thank you. And he thanks you.

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.