Gina Hatzis

Transcript

I've been standing here on this corner for too long. Here, at the crossroads of streets where there is too much and not enough, fighting for our dignity. This is my old neighborhood. A little town called "Lord, please love me." Where the air smells of despair, where the homeless beg for love instead of food, and fat rats feast on discarded broken hearts. In this city, the population counts twice, because, of course, only someone else can complete you. This town has only one restaurant and an all-you- can-eat buffet that serves up feelings of guilt, shame, and slavery.

No matter how much you eat, little one, you're guaranteed to leave hungry. And in this city, there is only one lesson that is taught in the classroom. That your value comes from there. And you graduate the day you master the art of pleasing people. And as the former mayor of this city, baby, it was my claim to fame. I grew up right around the corner from here, at 121 Daddy Come Home Street. You could drive by almost every Sunday and see me, 6 years old, 8 years old, 10 years old, standing by the door, my nose pressed against the glass window, waiting.

“Be ready at noon,” he said, as if time meant something to him. I spent the morning getting ready like a woman on a first date. What started as pigtails quickly turned into hairstyles... Hey, don't judge. It was the 8th, friends. The house smelled of chocolate chip cookies, his favorite. And I wrapped him tightly to keep warm, thinking: " Oh, he will love me." I mean, he'll love it." And I stood by this door and waited. I remember the cruel ticking of the clock.

I remember my mother gently pulling me away from the door, taking off my coat, and making me hot chocolate to sweeten the bitterness of his absence. I stood by this door for most of my youth. And at 26, all gorgeous on my wedding day, I sat in the back seat of a stretched limousine, my nose pressed against the glass window again, waiting for him to appear to walk me down the aisle. There was no hot chocolate that day, only bitterness. I quickly learned to replace his love with anything I could find.

I traded my grades for attention, my thoughts for pieces of love. But, as you know, you won't get full pieces. Well, I'm not a victim. I have been loved by so many people in my life. This is what you all want to hear, right? All the ways someone else can calm, comfort, and fix the situation. Well, I have a soul contract in this life to speak the truth, to use my voice to shatter the bones of comfort and complacency. I'm not here tonight, friends, to hold hands and sing you kumbaya.

I'm here to tell you what it's really like on the other side of social success and connections. beyond the viral video, the global movement, the world tour, the TED talk, the book deal, and the hundreds of “I love you, Gino” messages every day. I'm here to tell you, my love, that it's never enough. I'm here to tell you that the highest connection is the connection with yourself. Have to love someone who couldn't get it back? Has anyone ever tried to give you something you didn't think you deserved?

No one can fill your self-esteem if there is a hole in your self-esteem. And if I could talk to this little six-year-old girl, I would tell her, “Honey, he’s not coming. "No one will come to save you." And this is good news. Dignity does not exist to be earned. She is here to claim. This is your birthright. And I love this thought without apology to romantics, Hollywood movies, and all of you who are looking for your twin flame. I like to know that the path to self- love is the highest love of my life.

I like knowing that I can be my own glass of whiskey, not everyone's cup of tea. And when I truly realize this, everything in my world becomes dewy and shiny. And yes, unicorns gallop, releasing rainbows. You should see them. But this state of mind is an inside job, baby. And if you're not there, you weren't there, you forgot how to get there, jump, Thelma, and let's get out of this town. Because the path to unity is never about moving. It begins with returning home to oneself.

And yes, my love for myself is provocative. This scares people. Damn it, this scares me. Who am I to adore this imperfect mystery, burdened with sin, scars, and scandals? No one knows this as well as I do. But I also know that despite everything, we are worth it. You are worth it. I'm worth it simply because, baby, I was here.

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

what I'm about to say to you might come as a surprise but the hottest part about me is the thunder of massage that oh so fleshy part of me that forever I despised well it's taught me much about my truth and teased apart the lies you see I'm the too much woman and I am dangerous can't you see my truth my words my hips my curves two handfuls maybe three too loud too big too bold too wild too sexy yeah that's me and I won't sit down shut up or dim turn it off hide away I won't be taken down a few notches I won't

be shamed silenced or put into the corner baby let's rewind that tape a bit shall we I was born a too much little girl in a big fat Greek family and I was fed compliments along with second helpings of everything because food and words are how we love in my family they called me beauty queen and blue-eyed princess and those words they tasted as good as Mama's cooking and I learned early on that my body was a form of currency that with the bat of an eye and a sweet smile and the tilt of my head I could buy me more love and attention and

that worked for a while until it didn't until the beauty of my body started to entice customers that I did not want in my store and so I started to backpedal to become small and afraid and to dim my too much 'no sir and slowly came back to loving my body again to feeling strong in my skin and confident in my stride and on a crisp fall day and grade 9 I was surrounded by 20 odd older girls who pinned my arms behind my back kicking punching spitting scratching punishing me for my too much Nostromo is owed it the light in my spirit and once

again realizing that I wasn't safe in this body I dimmed it down the next 15 years I teetered in my too much body on the one hand growing in my womanhood and wanting to be seen and loved and desired and on the other hand so afraid that my beautiful body would betray me inviting danger once again well fast forward I'm a grown woman now smart professional delivering a keynote to a sea of over 300 executive men in suits deciding this would be my defining moment once and for all I was gonna be seen not for my body but for my art for my craft for

what I brought to the table so I manned up severe pet suit button to the top breasts hidden hair slicked back into a severe bun I even bought me some fake glasses I dimmed down all the juiciness of my too much body and yeah I'd knocked that baby right out of the park and I flew off the stage to a standing ovation thinking I had finally won the battle by dimming this body down and there I was strolling along in my self celebration when I was approached from a man from the audience who asked if he could walk me to my car and out in

the parking lot he grabbed my arm his nails were like talons digging into my skin and he pulled me close very close too close so close that I could smell the stale coffee and misogyny on his breath as he hissed I have a fetish for librarian types say what all I remember is driving fast driving on the highway and watching my whole life fly past in front of me and ricochet off the windowsill the shaming the hiding that the dumbing down the shunning letting my hair blow wild and the tears flow free in deciding I would no longer deny the love of my body from

now on I would dare to be seen in my all that juicy over-the-topness you know people carelessly say love your body but what they don't say is baby it's a dangerous game people are gonna shun you objectify you they're gonna ignore you they're gonna be afraid of you and I say yes baby all that yes but guess what do it anyway you know the church says this body is a sin science says this body is a machine business says this body is a product that this body says I'm a freakin Fiesta so to all the too much women in the audience I want you to

stand up stand up and be soon in your glory we are not a piece of human we are not flesh and asked in temptation we are feminine energy with masculine force we are sexy brilliance and we are hot determination we are bigger than our breasts and more powerful than our thighs and our curve is mightier than any sword and our wit stronger than any insult we are not here to radiate to taunt you to provoke you to threaten you we shine not for your adoration we shine because baby you just can't dim the Sun

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.