Binge Eating for a Marriage Ending
Speaking on the theme Purpose at Speaker Slam® in Toronto on Feb 26, 2020, Irene Pace took the stage with a five minute story.
Transcript
it's dark it's late and I'm alone in my car with donuts we all know where this is going right you don't know how you land in the drive-thru but you do and then there's donuts in your car and you're about to make it rain powdered sugar I had jelly on my fingers and I was white-knuckled on the wheel and I crushed them and before I knew it I was off the road again into a rest stop parking lot I bolted inside and ordered two vanilla dip donuts one Boston cream and I smiled at the lady behind the counter like I'm supermom bringing these doughnuts home
to my delightful children oh how we lie back in the car I put my hood up so nobody can see my face and I've got a mess of rainbow sprinkles on the seat between my legs and I crushed them I made one more stop that night to haagen-dazs ice cream bars join the party 40 minute drive three stops about 2,500 calories and one messed-up dietitian I'm a registered dietician we all know that food is about being a source of essential nutrients and energy the purpose of food is to maintain life nothing about what I did in that car that night had anything to do with
sustenance and it still had everything to do with life it wasn't clear then but it's crystal clear now my marriage and my relationship was over 25 years loving the hell out of each other yet loving in a way that maintained for me the story I told myself about how worthless and broken and hard to love I am a story that was handed to me in my childhood a childhood with scarcity of food an abundance of alcohol drugs and violence fear was handed to me by dangerous and unpredictable men and there was too little loving affection and too much sexual violation we all make promises to
our children and the moment I hold and held my children in my arms for the first time I promised them I would do everything possible to help them look after their little bodies and their little hearts and I now realize that I can't possibly fulfill that promise to them unless I first look after my own - many of us have been told that feelings are weakness and emotions are dangerous and they're like problems that need to be solved so we throw food at them and food is a solution it works because it changes your physiological and emotional state it's just not the best solution it's
time for a different one for all of us so I got help I got a coach and I got a social worker and I got a psychologist and I got a spiritual healer and I went on retreats and i journaled and i meditated and that's where i discovered something powerful you see in meditation we use the breath as a tool to connect with mindfulness why do we use the breath because it's a universal experience of being human to breathe guess what else is a universal experience of being human food we all have to eat so what if we changed the purpose of food what if
food became an invitation to mindfulness what if each time we felt the pull to food we paused and dropped into awareness and curiosity and compassion pull pause hole pause and it works it worked for me it works for my clients it works for anybody who feels the pull to food join me in putting an end to crushing donuts alone in your car let's reimagine the purpose of food as an invitation to mindfulness an invitation to feel an invitation to heal consider yourself invited
Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.