Jan Keck

Transcript

what is a courageous conversation that you've been avoiding when somebody asked me that question two years ago I immediately knew I had to talk to my parents see my parents live in Germany and usually when we talk is through Skype and usually I don't talk to their faces I used I talk to the Head the top of their heads but I started to really feel disengaged in our conversations I realized I'm not really paying attention and I'm scrolling on Facebook while they're talking to me and I don't even know what we talked about at the end so I knew I had to talk to my

parents because I felt this immense sense of guilt guilt for leaving Germany as their only child and moving to Canada guilt for never really having had a conversation about not planning to come back and guilt for being distracted in our Skype conversations the only conversations that we're having so I knew that I had to tell them something I knew that I had to tell them that I love them for the first time in my life should this make us sound like if they deal for a lot of people but I was terrified my family we don't talk about our emotions we are not really bored

with each other we definitely don't say those Creeds and the words so I knew that I had to do it I had to get it over with a couple weeks later I was really lucky because my parents came to visit me in Canada and were sitting on the dinner table and I knew this is going to be the moment I was just waiting for that perfect type in the cough sharing what they can use I was shaping with anxiety my hands started to get really cold and cloudy my heart started feeding in my chest as if I was going to jump up a cliff if

you have thumbs let's just get it but we're with let's just say it but then I hesitated I thought what if they think that I'm dying I mean yeah I've never told them I love you before so they must think why now that's the other terminal numbness okay new plan instead of just sharing the words a little bit conversation I asked them the questions that I asked my parents have your parents ever told you that they love you when you were growing up and it could immediately feel attention in the room this was not something that my parents were prepared for me but slowly my

dad started sharing about his family and that his parents who grew up during the war never said I love you to him or his siblings my mom at the same time was just sitting in the couch silently as my dad also shared her story about how she felt very disconnected from her family too and she's never said I love you to her parents or they have problems and in that moment it's hit me my parents never learned to say I'm lucky from their parents so of course they didn't have the capacity to tell you and in that moment I also realized and now I have

this huge opportunity to not only change the relationship with my parents but change the conversation about being vulnerable and then saying those to what is from Mindful family for myself and the generations to Comedy so I took a deep breath and said I know we don't really say this a lot in our family but I really need you to know that I love you this next moment felt like forever oh and then my mother was sitting quietly on the couch shared of course we love you too what was I expecting of course I know that my parents love me all this frustration and anxiety for

what it's one of those conversations that I really knew I needed to have so let me ask you again what's the courageous conversation that you've been avoiding you have a choice some people here might not even have the opportunity to talk to people because they might not be here anymore but you have a choice the next time you have a conversation with someone you think it could continue doing the small talk and not really being presented down there or we could share with them hey I'm on a small talk diet could I ask you a deep question and you'll realize that every conversation is this

opportunity to risk revealing the real you and to be all alone as a reward is being seen being heard and it is loved so why can't you be the one who starts a courageous conversation

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.