Jhannell Edwards

Transcript

won't you help to sing my song of freedom cuz all I've ever half as I cook oh my baby daughter's head to my chest I forcefully reach for that 1.5 bottle of wine as I take a huge gulp after gulp sip after sip as I wipe away the tears from my face and wipe away the remnants of pain of that gooey saltiness from underneath my nose you see I chose that 1.5 bottle of wine as opposed to the painkillers by my bedside or the gun just splits that my friend tried to seduce me with or that bottle of bleach that just stood looking at me

peacefully as I looked at my newborn daughter's face I knew I just knew I couldn't take the most aggressive most dangerous most unappetizing way out won't you help to sing my song of freedom coz all I've ever had the fear was crippling at times fears that I wouldn't be a great mother and fears that my daughter wouldn't love me feared that what transpired in the first few months of her life that had absolutely nothing to do with her would in fact impact her for years to come and translate into years of hatred anger and not loving me fear of what my destiny would become now

that I'm a single mom a single black mom a single black and broke mom but you know I took a look at my daughter's face and I said we gotta do this and we're gonna do this together and on days and on days that I had just that feeling I would pick her up and put her in the stroller and take long walks to the park through valleys and trenches and Hills symbolic of my life just so I can find some time to think to take some time to find peace just to breathe and to shut the hell up that this fear that I'm talking

about has in fact given me one of the best blessings in life life itself life formed in the form of a beautiful baby girl a girl who will forever know me as her mother a girl who knows what my heartbeat sounds like from the inside won't you help to sing my song of freedom cause all I ever have well now that I got that off my shoulders speaker slam I am so excited to be here in Toronto and I actually have a secret to tell folks over here is this you know a place of no judgement am I in a good place to tell you

guys my secret you 100% okay I'm not convinced what about this side you guys alright well you know what I've been holding on to this burden for years and I'm not gonna lie it's kind of done me a little bit of good like play the victim card every so often or play the oh woe is me card every so often or play the let's procrastinate today because I'm so full of fear anybody relate to me or know somebody like that well guys I'm gonna share it with you my big secret is I've failed oh you guys don't seem impressed well it's true I have failed

so many times that failure has been looking at me sitting cross-eyed same girl I'm gonna take a couple laughs at you because you failed so much I have lost so many jobs I have been fired at least three times always in the most dramatic way I have failed at relationships failed at friendships now folks how is it that somebody who has once upon a time been consumed with so much fear and so much quote unquote failure can now sit here and actually celebrate it how is it fair and failure fear and failure go hand in hand and when I started realizing that I was choosing

to be fearful I was choosing to see my failures as such I said no more I'm gonna choose freedom freedom F find my purpose and forgive others are restrict the noise e elevate my standards double e elevate the people I choose to surround myself with D dive deeper with God o offer my services with no expectation and M meditate so for any of you in here who have ever felt that fear and failure has consumed you I challenge you today to take your redemption and make freedom your choice

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.