Josie Smith

Transcript

the story of my miraculous Edge begins when I elected to have brain surgery you heard that right elected not because I was dying because I wasn't living you see the lens you look through becomes the world you see and I got tested in this core belief of mine that our thoughts our words and our beliefs create our home all I could see was my face rapidly changing and betraying me at every turn and there was this I had a pervasive fear of dying of a blood clot I remember the appointment with my neurologist in 2021 so vividly he asked me to pull down my mask

and confirmed my diagnosis of advanced stage hemifacial spasm Josie the disfiguration will only get worse with time people might not notice now but soon they will what I had already noticed I was losing my ability to communicate authentically and the feeling of being home inside myself I'm a coach a communication expert and the incessant 247 spasms that would close my left eye and dramatically pull my mouth and face to the left side diminish my ability to stay present this disorder followed me everywhere even into my sleep I couldn't escape it the truth after 5 years I was losing the battle Within Myself the battle we

all face to persevere and hold with both hands the enormous Beauty and the devastating uncertainty that is life my only choice was through so on April 5th of last year I underwent a 5 and 1 half hour brain surgery to move a little artery and repair my seventh cranial nerve the saying I need this like a hole in the head has a whole new meaning for me now surgery came with RIS risk and no guarantees but what people didn't truly understand was that the risk to not try was even greater I was hiding a dark secret I remember months before we even had a surgery

date my husband held me as I broke down and through my tears I told him I don't know if I want to live not like this there my truth was out I had a real person to hold it up to we held my truth there together and it was then I knew no matter what I would find a way to be okay but what I haven't shared with you was that for the previous this three years I had been managing extreme anxiety due to the anticipatory stress that this disorder creates in hypervigilance a severely broken ankle the onset of debilitating migraines being a first responder

to two life-saving events all mixed in with covid and welcome what I now know is called medical anxiety and here's where it gets fascinating ating on the eve of my surgery a nurse woke me around 2 a.m. to go for an MRI she said this is unusual we don't normally do this at this time someone must be looking out for you and as the technician motored me into the MRI tube it was as if a radio turned on inside my head home triy all the Sanskrit chants I had studied in ashrams around the world started playing and didn't stop turns out they cut a vein

during my surgery and had to perform a life-saving procedure to stop the bleed pull up your front row seat to my miraculous Edge I got the blood clot and in my brain and the most miraculous part I was living with my greatest fear inside me and I could no longer be afraid I know getting this blood clot was the universe's gift to me that I can make room to hold all of it we all could make room to hold all of it so trust me if you are waiting on coming back home to yourself back to your love wait no more be seen the radio

eventually stopped and a new song emerged one that reminds me to persevere through the uncertainty because trust me I know what's coming and to choose the lens I will see the world through I am happy I am healthy I am wealthy I am wise I am grounded I am grateful I am safe I'm alive say I'm alive with me I'm alive one more time I'm alive I made it there is so much Beauty in this world to see the universe is unfolding inside of you and me each cell of my body a world of its own my thoughts my words my beliefs create my home

I say I love you I think I love you I feel I love you I know I love you I am you you are me we are we and so is the way

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.