Karen Clark

Transcript

I have been hiding since I was seven years old for myself for my emotions from life I didn't know then that that game of hide-and-seek that we all played as children would become how I would live except this time no one was coming to find me it was January the 6th 2015 where I a walk into a complete nightmare my body was lifeless my brain felt like mush and I couldn't focus my eyes I tried to speak but nothing came out with sheer willpower I managed to rule over with pure determination I battled to set up on the side of that bed and my head

was so heavy I could barely hold it up I sat there in limbo for what felt like hours until my husband came to say bye before going to work I was physically there but there was no life inside of me until something compelled me to focus and force a the slurred words I need you to see I don't feel well by that afternoon my whole body became completely rigid from the tips of my toes to the top of my head my jaw my tongue everything was completely locked I couldn't speak my fingers looked like ugly sculptures and there was a weight pressing so far deep

into my chest I thought my heart would explode I felt like my whole body was completely rigid with only my eyes exposed by 4:00 p.m. the paramedics had arrived but all I can remember is the sheer terror that I felt just trying to breathe crying out for help with just my eyes I was going in and out of consciousness and this lasted for 12 hours the next eight months were the hardest of my life and a time when I had myself away you see I'm good at hiding I am good at finding great places to hide shield myself from the world but this place that

I woke up to find myself in was not of my choosing during those eight months I existed in the deepest darkest hole you could ever imagine my health was 10 stories under and that's how far into hiding I was pushed this became a pivotal point in my life you see I've stood on the sidelines I've waited to be found and I've watched life pass me by but that game of hide and seek is no longer a fun game when there is no one coming to find you I saw wanted to be found and I saw desperately wanted to be fixed I waited for specialists to

come and find me to fix me back into the person that I was someone that would reach down into that deep dark hole and pull me out but do you know what that never happened he couldn't find the infection that was hiding so deep inside my body that ten courses of antibiotics later still didn't know how to fix me it wasn't into 1d setting outside and the garden feeling sorry for myself that things changed I noticed that the Sun was shining so brightly and the sky was a beautiful blue and the grass was such a vivid vibrant green and I could feel a whisper of

warm air moving all around me I took in a deep breath and when I opened my eyes I could see flickers of light moving on the grass it was two dragonflies and I watched them dance and play with such beautiful life and Greece I was completely mesmerised they pulled me out of my current reality into something wonderful and then it happened I could feel the sun shining on my face but it felt different it felt like a warm embrace that said I'm here I see you this was such a powerful and painful moment I will never forget her because it's a moment where I fail

find you see I've been scared all of my life scared of feeling scared of not measuring up scared of waiting and watching and life pass me by but I'm standing here today because this is my year of no more hiding no more standing in the shadows no more hiding from my own light no more waiting and just watching life pass me by my name is Karen Clark and I want you to see me

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.