Lorree Appleby

Transcript

it was 11 years ago in late summer and we were going on a family vacation with our 17 year old daughter and her boyfriend that night as we were packing to go my daughter got a phone call from her boyfriend's father he's been in a car accident and he's probably not going to make it he said in that moment our world fell apart her boyfriend had suffered a traumatic brain injury and for many months we were in a surreal fog not knowing if he was even going to survive several times a week I would rearrange my work schedule so she could visit him in the

hospital I would watch from outside the room as she sat vigil by his side willing him to come back to her witnessing her struggle day after day broke my heart and I felt helpless she wasn't able to focus on school because she was too worried about his prognosis and their future together her life wasn't hers anymore it was dictated by circumstances completely outside of her control it just wasn't fair in looking back I see how my codependent pattern started coming to the surface I would drop whatever I was doing to try and fix any problem that came up for her during this time just like

I used to for my sister with her many health challenges and my husband with the deaths of his parents I didn't realize that once again I was putting my needs aside while trying to alleviate my daughter's pain her boyfriend's recovery was a long one and it was a miracle he made it through several surgeries but he had to learn how to do everything again and their relationship completely changed I could see how she was putting her needs aside waving and hoping he would return to how he used to be but cognitively he was not the same anymore and he was fully dependent on his family

for support she was becoming increasingly depressed as time went on as much as I wanted her to come to her own decision I knew in my heart it was time so I sat her down and told her how I felt you need to stop you have sacrificed so much your love and commitment gave him hope to beat the odds and he has it's your turn to heal so as hard as it was for her because she didn't want to hurt him she listened to my advice and ended the relationship the following year as my daughter was focusing on moving on with her life mine was

spiraling out of control I would often lie awake at night reliving the past and worrying about the future and my days were on standby ready and willing to fix any problems that came up at work and at home I was a wreck then one Friday after a stressful week at work I was driving home and I had a panic attack I will never forget hyperventilating as I slammed on the brakes trying to stay in control of the car that was a pivotal moment that scared me straight I knew something had to change or I was going to be next in the hospital that night I

took a long look in the mirror tears streaming down my face I felt so drained and desperate and I remember saying I Surrender I need help and then I heard my words Echo back to me you need to stop you have sacrificed so much your love and commitment gave her hope to beat the odds and she has it's your turn to heal the impact of this experience brought me to my knees and cracked me open and even though it was one of the most challenging times we went through these are the moments that bring the greatest healing because pain is our signal that something needs

to change and when we can no longer control it it forces us to change ourselves so I learned to forgive and accept all that had happened and to make my needs a priority this led me to following a calling to guide and support others like me to feel worthy of healing because only then can we truly help others without sacrificing ourselves fast forward to now my daughter is thriving she completed her studies with honors she's working in her field and engaged to be married next summer she was able to let the past go and take the lessons with her and she taught me to do

the same

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