Madette Mendoza

Transcript

I'm an angel I know you can't see my wings but I can fly I have finally conquered depression it's January 2009 and I'm in the middle of a man episode I'm sitting in my room with my supportive Big Brother confiding in him that I'm a real angel he doesn't believe me none of my family does and I'm feeling so alone how do I prove to them that I'm an angel what well if I run to the train tracks outside and get hit by a train I'm not going to die cuz I'm an angel then my family will have to believe me so in the middle

of the night I put on a flowy dress I tiptoed down the stairs Barefoot open the front door to a cold winter Breeze and just before I can step out the door slams shut and I am saved by my brother and my dad hugging me protecting me next thing I know I'm not dead but I'm in a dark room wearing a hospital gown laying in a hospital bed confused frustrated depressed talking your daughter has bipolar disorder what's bipolar disorder will my daughter be okay with tears in my mom's eyes she doesn't know what to do don't worry she'll be okay just those five encouraging words

from Dr OD day gave my mom hope and my mom dropped everything for me even when she was scared of the unknown even when she was exhausted after work she would rush home to cook me dinner pack it to go drive all the way to me just to feed me hug me and to make sure I wasn't spending one day alone in the hospital later I'm back home and I am singing my heart out to build my resilience I'm performing across the city where my family would cheer me on and I'm teaching music to students to help them build their own resilience now as a

speaker I spread the message that despite having a mental illness we can still Thrive with the right support just like the support of my family especially my brave mom have you ever gone through something so dark that it felt impossible for things to get better my mom taught me that bravery is loving someone so deeply that even when you don't know if everything's going to be okay you still show up day after day to listen love and support and she's here today supporting me in the audience Ma it turns out that you were the one who was an angel always looking out for me thank

you for praying for me every day and for never giving up on me remember when Dr OD said those five important words don't worry she'll be okay you don't have to worry anymore ma your love is helps me heal and I am more than okay and to anyone in the audience who may be struggling right now my hope is that you can also be brave and one day be more than okay too thank you you one speech can change your life Unleash Your power embrace the stri Inspire the world let your story flow as Speaker slam let your spirit

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

keep on keep on keep keep going keep on keep no yes what we all just did there was we made a connection with each other and that's what we need to persevere this is my story I'm 15 years old a quiet introvert hiding in the bathroom stall of my brand new high school because I'm afraid of the crowded cafeteria full of new faces with my hand shaking heart racing tears of nervousness rolling down my face I'm replaying the hurtful comments of other kids asking me why are you so quiet and now I'm here in the bathroom stall during lunch hour not the ideal place to

be eating your lunch for the 27th time alone in my self rejection after school I rush home into my bedroom lock the door get on my knees look up to the ceiling and I cry out God there's something wrong with me they say God makes no mistakes but you made a mistake with me what's the point of my existence just across the street from my house was a train station and the sound of every loud train speeding by shook my window taunting me with the thought of how convenient I could my life at any time all I had to do was walk out onto those

train tracks and this feeling of loneliness would disappear as I'm in my room looking for something to heal the pain I would pick up my guitar and my heart began to sing keep on keep on keep keep going never give up no oh and it was that moment that music became my best friend my only friend my emotional Outlet my strength to persevere when times got tough and it gave me hope that someday I would find my life purpose it wasn't until College when I met a new best friend in in human form Marcy Marcy had glowing skin and shiny blonde hair and after class

she says to me hey how's it going want to join my friends and I for lunch and later on we discover that we both have quiet personalities but we love loud music we both are introverted but we will dance like nobody's watching when our favorite song comes on Marcy would take me dancing every Wednesday night to our College Pub and that also became a musical outlet for me you know that one friend who never judges you but accepts you and celebrates you just the way you are that's Marcy and for the first time I didn't feel alone and it's because of her that I began

to accept myself music and Marcy helped me express myself authentically and and discover my purpose and I now teach music to students so that they have an outlet to build their resilience and instead of hiding in a bathroom stall I now have the courage to stand on a stage in front of an audience what I've learned from the ups and downs of my journey is that we all need connection to persevere so my question for you is who is that friend you turn to when times get tough because if you ever find yourself standing all alone on those train tracks in your mind sometimes all

it takes is that one song one friend to keep us pushing forward and to keep on keep on keep keep going never give up up no

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.