Marsha Vanwynsberghe

Transcript

human connection scared me but if you would have asked me if I was good at it I'd have proudly said yes because I was really good at wearing the mask or the armor I spent my life building my armor because I wasn't safe to be seen yet I let people see what they wanted to see I heard their words you're so strong you're such a fighter I wish I could be strong like you every time I heard those words it just built more of the armor I was forever praised for being the strong one for doing more for pushing through and I wore it like

a badge of honor I was so proud more work more clients burnout absolutely on the outside I was winning but on the inside I felt lost and I didn't understand why my life experiences only reinforce that armor overcoming sexual assault from a young age growing up way before I was supposed to multiple miscarriages and lifethreatening health scares and I kept hearing you're so strong you got this there's another layer on my armor 12 years ago my belief in the armor changed we were parents dealing with teen substance abuse as the perfectionist buried way deep beneath that armor I thought I failed as a parent and

as a mother and that was a badge I didn't want to wear behind the scenes I was frantically searching for answers I was like the problem solver the researcher turning over every single rock that I could find and I kept hearing you're so strong you got this if anyone can you can I built my armor to a point that I was suffocating I could have asked for help I didn't know how to and hadn't really built receiving muscle yet and besides that's not what strong women do they build their armor I hid in my story I hid in plain sight my armor kept me small

stuck isolated and disconnected when all I ever wanted to feel was support and connection 10 years ago I sat in my crisis counselor's office and I said I'm so tired of everyone not wanting to talk about the difficult things in life and feeling like we are the only people in the world who is struggling and she looked at me and she said maybe you're supposed to and I thought that's ridiculous and what if it's not I was scared to death to share my story the first time but when I did and with repetition I felt seen heard I felt connection I went on to share

on small stages small groups from there into collaborative books over a thousand podcasts CBC Radio CTV News and helping other people in building a platform business to learn that they can become outspoken in their story too when I dropped my armor I literally found my Army I found connection I found the people that I was meant to have those connections and relationships with we don't build connection when things are happy and perfect we build it in our mess I let people see me in my mess the heart tohe heart moments where I actually let myself be seen and heard and in that time I actually

learned that I didn't need my armor I was actually stronger without it I was stronger without the armor those experiences the armor that I wore was so much pride they became the boosters on my rocket did you know that a rocket needs boosters in order to get off the ground and move and once the rocket starts to move the boosters fall off because the rocket doesn't need them anymore those experiences the shame judgment criticism everything that I walked through I needed that to move and when I moved it fell away because that wasn't meant to go where I was going don't block yourself from building

connection because of the people that are in your life today they may just be your boosters and what if the connection that you're craving is one step past you learning how to drop the armor I have learned that human connection it's not actually scary and none of us are meant to do this life alone and I want to leave you with this someone somewhere is praying for the solutions that you are all holding on to connection is available for all of us when we drop the armor and choose to allow ourselves to be seen thank you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.