Parul Bansal

Transcript

I gave the ring back again this was a fourth attempt finally I left it on the counter in front of him IQ Foods on King Street I walked out the door and didn't look back he didn't understand I didn't understand let's take a few steps back and break it down a few years before I was born my parents moved to Canada from India every day in every decision they weight made they weighed the scale between assimilation and preservation of our culture you see my people were colonized by the British they suffered a great deal as a result of the conquest so they clung to their

culture my mother enrolled me in Hindi classes when I was a kid after six years the outcome I learnt how to write my first name in Hindi growing up in a traditional Indian household strong values were given to me culture / self family / individual oh and one really important rule I needed to marry an Indian man I felt like I had to every single person I am related to has followed this path if I wandered I would be shunned and my family would drift away from me I met him when I turned 18 he was a guy that made everyone almost happy I was

so eager to make that relationship work you know what something's wrong and a little voice tells you something you don't want to hear well that's your goddamn honest truth hey pearl pearl what are you doing this relationship isn't working I just need more time maybe I can find a compromise so I gave it a shot for 8 years my journal was flooded with so many clues that little voice but still when I was 25 and he proposed to me I said yes this wasn't a triumphant moment of self-realization oh I do love him no I was exhausted and at this point I wanted to be

done with the task of finding a partner I wanted to be a good Indian daughter don't let this bald head confuse you that's another story I felt like being me would be dishonorable to my family now that is the Mulan level [ __ ] right there so four months before my wedding I woke up suffocating I couldn't breathe I was literally drowning in a future that wasn't mine and that little voice she came back again this time with a message I couldn't ignore being conquered is unsurvivable I cannot marry this man when I told my dad he asked me three questions are you sure I

said yes is there any way to fix it I said no is this what you really want I said yes I'm here to tell young gurnie that your bravery and decision to stand up for yourself makes me so proud I wouldn't be here in this moment on this stage if it wasn't for you because someone like me and someone like you cannot be conquered I am drawing the [ __ ] line because every part of me is so allowed this line does not separate me as I was afraid it would but rather it defines me it's reunited me with some of the best parts of

myself and it taught me a lesson you always have a choice and I am done compromising I am stepping fully into my light my power and my authenticity unconquered unconquerable it is done

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

I used to love taking showers until October 20th 2017 I remember that day because on that day as I was washing my hair and pulled my hand away from my head there was a massive clump of hair tangled in my hand I just stared at it it looked like a tarantula I tried not to think about it till the next time I showered and it happened again and again and again and again within a few months I lost over 50% of my hair I was basically bald at the back of my head then one day my boyfriend turns to me and says maybe you should

get awake I cried so hard that night but two weeks later on Valentine's Day of all days I walked into a wig shop I took off my winter hat to reveal my mess of patchy thin hair as a wig shop owner looked through my scalp he told me that I may have alopecia and that it's perfectly normal and lots of his clients who have it wear wigs and and feel good about themselves then he showed me the most beautiful wig you could ever imagine and me a perfect Indian woman so I bought it yet the very next day I felt like a fraud like I

was hiding a dirty little secret and because of this wig I can't shower at the gym or go swimming or even ride a freaking roller coaster I essentially lost all spontaneity in my life and within a few weeks the truth became clear I am not allowed to be me I mean to not be allowed to be is like not being allowed to see blinded by the burden of expectations placed on me I disappeared beneath this wig a physical embodiment of social societal and family pressures placed on me as a female placed on me as an Indian woman shouldn't shame they're the same and this wig

this wig represents shame unworthiness other people's thoughts implanted into my mind I hate this it feels like the pressure cooker inside me is about to go up my insides are screaming what if what if I shave it all off so I went for it and [ __ ] shaved my head hundreds of messages and phone calls flooded in people telling me how brave I am ladies came up to me on the streets and picked up their wigs just a little bit for me to see sparse strands of their hair but you know what I felt [ __ ] terrible shaving my head was supposed to

finally allow me to be myself but I I literally couldn't recognize my own shadow once again avoiding mirrors I became she who is she I was forced to examine all of me with a bald head do I look feminine in my indian am I even attractive do I fit in cuz I sure as hell feel like I stand out you know it's as if I had this cup of who I was and it was full to the brim of other people's ideas when I shaved my head I went like this and now I have this empty cup and I don't know what to do with

it I was drawn out of hiding by many role models I was inspired by the queer community who showed me that the spectrum of identity exists beyond conformity I was inspired by black and women who invited me into their safe spaces beyond a world that still polices their hair I was inspired by a mere workshop which asked me to lock eyes with myself and acknowledge my own existence but it wasn't until November 21st 2018 that I truly saw myself for the very first time and of all places it was during six hours of video meetings when I couldn't help but notice her in that tiny

little video chat box she look gentle yet fierce we cut that ball check she is me I am her for the first time in my life it felt like my insides and outsides were in alignment I look like how I feel and I feel like me and you know what okay [ __ ] love my shaved head I mean I look like the future I decided that every seemingly opposing version of myself could truly coexist my Indian roots my Canadian upbringing my femininity and my fierceness my love for hip-hop and my vintage teacup collection there is no box to fill no cup to fill and

no should to hold us down I mean I'm bald as [ __ ] so why not be bold as [ __ ]

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.