Paula Morand

Transcript

is he gonna kill me is he gonna kill me seven words I didn't recognize the voice on the other side of the phone nor did I believe that those words were actually meant for me and so I was going to do like anyone else would do when they get a phone call that they didn't know about I was about to say I'm sorry you have the wrong phone number but all of a sudden a deep foreboding washed over me and I could almost feel the panic and terror on the other side of that phone Paula she said my name is it gonna kill me I

knew that voice it was my husband's an employee both seven words were meant for me all of a sudden I looked over on the floor to my one-year-old boy who is playing with his toys in the last four years of my marriage flashed before my eyes it was a happy marriage we had an incredible life I mean we just started our family we had a future all planned out how did those seven words connect with that I was about to say something on the phone when there was a knock at the door I looked up and I saw the red lights in the front window

of my house and I stepped forward and I picked up my boy and I hugged him tight and they walked to my front door I could barely get to the door and I grabbed the doorknob at that moment and I knew that whatever was on the other side of that door as soon as I opened it my life would be irreversibly changed standing in front of me was a police officer ma'am I have news of your husband I'm sorry to tell you that your husband has been locked down in a psychiatric ward because he threatened to kill three women today that was the start of

days and hours and months of the hardest and most hellish time that I had ever been through that would be the start of my catalyst moment you see I found out that my husband had a psyche on break and he was later to be diagnosed with bipolar depression and schizophrenia I love this man but I was terrified of this man I didn't know him I didn't understand him I was angry with him and so in that next year of trying to rebuild my life as he was sitting in a mental hospital with shock treatments and so many drugs and a shell of the person that

I thought I knew I had to find a way to move forward so I would often go to my safe place my safe place was my parents home and they'd had a pool in their backyard and as they watched my son they thought that I was gonna have a nice relaxing time but that time in the pool was a time of me wrestling and finding a place of healing and so I would dive into the deep end and go down into the bottom and I would scream and I would cry and I was let go the resentment and the anger and the fury that I

had that my dreams were dashed and the family that I had planned was going to be no more and then I would come up for air and I would gasp again and I would go down to the bottom of that pool over and over again and I was let it out and I would just have so much resentment and bitterness and so much and nobody would know better and everybody would think that I was okay because who cares but a little bit of chlorine eyes would show until one day I was in that deep end going up and down where the Sun was shining down

and I could see the ripple on the water up above and you see reinvention happens in a moment for some and over time for others but it was in that moment that moment one word fell upon my heart and it was hope and in that moment I decided Paula you know what it is time for you to live your husband might be the person that continues to try and take his life over and over and over again nine times in fact before he was successful but it was time for me to live you see my friends when hope shows up possibilities abound where hope lives

so do dreams and it was on that day at that moment that I decided that I could give myself permission to dream big and be bold and use my god-given talents and gifts to make a difference in this world and I didn't know how that was gonna happen but right here right now is the decision that I'm going to make but I'm going to do this no matter what and you know what we're hope prevails is where forgiveness is found and so I was able to let go release and when forgiveness releases gratitude comes in the midst and finally I know that the next time

and every time that I have to go to open a door that no matter the fear that I feel on this side or on the other side that I am going to boldly open that and have the courage to walk through and take on life one step at a time because I have hope I have faith in the good outcomes and I have the resiliency to handle everything thank you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.