Sajel Bellon

Transcript

clenching its chest rocking back and forth he felt like giving it all up sitting in his car staring at the concrete pole in front of him he wondered how fast do I have to drive into that pole to end it all this wasn't an ordinary man this was a strong strapping firefighter this was my husband the father of my children by the end of this talk we will have lost ten lives to suicide the World Health Organization reports that for every person we lose every 40 seconds there are at least another 20 who will try Vincent used to say that people who think of suicide

are weak and there he sat contemplating it himself what Vincent and I didn't know is that we had been trying to navigate the devastating ripple effects of post-traumatic stress as a family and he had sought refuge in his car after being embarrassed after yet another blowout at home I'm very thankful that Vincent chose to come home that night to us he chose us rather than taking on that concrete Pole and as I held him he cried and he described the children that he had recovered and talked about the burnt smell stuck in his nose compounded by the guilt of lashing out at us at home

I wiped away his tears and I asked him what's taught you what stops you from taking your life and he said you you and the kids I can't imagine you guys finding me what Vincent didn't realize was that I too had had thoughts of suicide during very critical times in my life only my cause for pause was not as noble as his my cause for pause was I was too afraid I'd do it wrong screw it up halfway and have to live with that imagine a ten-year-old straight-a student class clown by day an emotional wreck by night holding my stomach night after night in agony

over not feeling like I was enough and not living up to all the expectations and demands of me I used to pray to God God please just don't let me wake up tomorrow please fast forward to young adulthood I found myself again trying to pick up the pieces of what my life was all crumbled to the floor discovering a cheating partner and having to walk away from a business that I had burst so again finding myself in that position of not yet again being enough just because I didn't want to live that life didn't mean I wanted to die what I wanted was the pain

to stop doesn't it make sense that because our brains are wired to avoid pain that thoughts of dying might cross our minds when we're going through the worst times of our lives but yet we stigmatize it and then when we lose someone to suicide we'll ask the question why did he do it what was she thinking what could I have done to help well what if I could share with you a question today right now that could save a life would you have the courage to ask it having what's your cause for pause conversations opens up the possibility for us to create a world where

we can be turning towards each other during hard times instead of withdrawing into our darkest corners together we could be having courage and opening up opportunities to share our vulnerability so that our cause for pause can not only be creating deeper connections with the persons that we're talking to but also to allow our brains to hear it out loud so that it associates our cause for pause our reasons for living so that our brains can recall it in the moments that we need it the most globally the suicide rates are rising so we need to do something now so if you're in this room and

if you've ever contemplated suicide in the past or perhaps even right now know that you're not alone know that you can find your cause for pause find somebody to share it with and say it out loud because together we can create a world of deeper connection and allow our questions and listening and being more connected allow us to have good lives together all we need to conquer the darkness is the courage the courage to ask the questions like what's your cause for pause thank you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.