Sara Boswick

Transcript

I'm standing in front of hundreds of people spotlights beaming so brightly they're nearly blinding me I look down at my rotund cellulite covered lumpy bumpy saggy veiny 350b body strikingly covered only in a thong and a pair of bedazzled nipple tassels that are barely hanging on my eyes pan up from my exposed belly searching the crowd for my friends they as well as the rest of the audience are doing the most peculiar thing they're clapping no they're cheering loudly out of breath and shaking from the anxiety I begin to feel elated you just did that you just got up on stage and stripped down to

your skibbies while performing a sexy homemade dance to Gary Clark Jr's version of come together all while being in the biggest body you have ever been in she would be proud the younger version of me who grew up too tall too shy too awkward who loathed her body wishing it was skinnier smoother but in other ways more voluptuous the young version of me who would stay up late at night talking to men in chat rooms far too old to be a friend the younger version of me whose feelings of sadness and disgust ran so deep that only the numbing of alcohol the sedation of drugs

or razor blades in her skin could ease her pain that girl I met him online when I was 17 his screen name was literally Heartbreaker a few weeks later I would have my first ever date if you could call it that he came over to my house one night after work still coated in drywall dust I thought it was so cool that he had a full-time job because I was still in high school he stayed for about an hour hour no coffee no dinner leaving just in time before my Dad pulled in the driveway Heartbreaker would become my first ever boyfriend in a tumultuous relationship

that lasted 5 years the dates never got better and it wasn't long before I realized I was dating the local drug dealer oh you know I thought he was so clever a real businessman smart enough even to pull the carpet lining out of my trunk to hide his products he thought I was smart too because I knew want to quickly hop in the driver's seat and when to keep my mouth shut there were times that he thought I was a stupid as well like when I accidentally caught the back of his hand across my face after finding text messages and nudes and his phone from

other women he'd tell me I'd be more attractive if I lost weight and also got that boob job and also told me his friends all agreed he even offered me cocaine for weight loss telling me that's what the rich pretty girls do I wanted to be like the rich pretty girls so of course I tried it when I left him for the last time he followed me around my apartment a chef's knife in hand telling me no one would think I was pretty no one would want to date me no one wanted a fat girlfriend and that I should feel lucky that he put up

with me shitty self-image will keep you stuck in shitty relationships shitty jobs shitty mental States and shitty circumstances but a woman whose boundaries are built on selfworth will not tolerate the same behaviors as a woman who thinks that she is unworthy I've since gone on to prove Heartbreaker wrong finding loving relationships not despite my body or because of it either but as a whole human being loved for every piece of me on top of that I have even walked runways modeled lingerie and hosted events empowering other women not to let the shape of their bodies Define them as human beings that night on that burlesque

stage I was celebrating my perseverance I had persevered through depression anxiety abuse self harm and extreme dieting I was persevering to break a generational curse of low self-esteem in my family and for any other woman who has ever felt unworthy because of the way that they looked the Journey of selfworth Demands perseverance and just like my skin over the years my soul may have been stretched and scarred and bruised but it has never broken Beyond repair and we all deserve that

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.