Shirin Ariff

Transcript

Shirin Arif, my ingredients for the perfect Indian curry. It's December 2003, and we're on our honeymoon in India. I am standing on the steps of the symbol of eternal love, the Taj Mahal. Like a scene from a classic Hollywood romantic movie, my handsome new husband scoops me up in his arms and leans in for a kiss. Something unacceptable in my culture at the time. Like any woman caught up in passionate dreams, I can never imagine that the fireworks between us will ever die down.

Wow. Four years later, two children, life has become very busy. But I know exactly what to do to keep the home fire burning. So on a random day in the middle of the week, knowing the kids will be busy and we'll spend some time together, I put on my best dress and stand over a hot pot of his favorite curry dish. Knowing that the wonderful aroma filling the kitchen will arouse him. And when he puts the spoon to his mouth, the fireworks will go off again, and we're both in for a very spicy evening.

Along with exotic Indian ingredients, I infused the curry with my own magical love potion, adding a drop of seduction, a drop of romance, and a drop of desire. In all my genius, I grew up knowing one thing for sure: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. What I also know for sure is that love conquers all. I will conquer love and get everything. I hear the key turn in the door. He comes in and says, “What’s cooking? "Mm, something smells delicious."

"Oh, something really smells delicious, doesn't it ?" I giggle to myself . And then I sit at the table and watch him greedily devour his food, happily licking his fingers while I smile in anticipation. He pushes a dirty plate towards me and gets up to wash his hands. I stand up too boldly in my silky dress, like I'm dessert. Khamchaly. Wait, what? This doesn't sound like an invitation to love. Khamchaly, can I go now? I fight back tears and insist that I won't let him go.

He laughs and I watch him walk away. I know exactly where he's going. He goes to her. He's done this before. My body is getting cold, I'm going into mania. And the still voice in my head becomes my war song. Love conquers all. I will have everything. Love conquers all. I will have everything. I grab my jacket, run out the door, jump in the car, and follow him. I'm catching up with him. Luck is on my side. The traffic light is red.

I jump out of the car again, run to his car, and knock on the driver's side window. He rolls down the window and is shocked to see me. I grab his hands and scream like a siren. I won't let you go. I don't pay attention to everything around me. I don't pay attention to the absurdity of my " please". He coldly pushes my hands away and drives away. Does n't love conquer all? Once home, I sit on the bed and start undressing.

No, not for love. I'm taking down the shield. I am getting rid of pretense . I am free from despair. And I've been sitting there naked with the truth for eight long years. Today I am making my delicious curry again. And along with the perfect ingredients, I now add a drop of forgiveness, a pinch of compassion, and a huge dose of self- love. The aroma fills my kitchen and I lift the spoon to my mouth and smile, knowing that love doesn't have to be earned.

Like any delicious curry , love is simply meant to be enjoyed.

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

I was standing at the door of what was promised to be my lakeside home beautifully furnished and grand a dramatic contrast to the floors that I had slept on and the plastic grocery bags that I had lived out off back home in India the man who was standing next to me was my new husband who had swept me off my feet courted me lovingly and stood by me for the seemingly long time it took to get my spousal visa I had lived a lifetime of pain and beatings and my first marriage to a drug addict had left me homeless degraded and seen as failure in

my home for being a divorced woman with a child this was my proof that dreams do come true only the house by the lake was actually a room in Parkdale I clutched my young daughter as we walked past the prostitute standing at the door and made our way up to a dingy room with only a mattress on the floor my new husband said to me welcome to Canada I will be back tomorrow morning and then he left us my blood ran cold this was the beginning of my life in Canada what followed next were eight years of torture despite having three beautiful children with him

I was reduced to a slave in my own home enduring endless emotional and verbal abuse while my husband continued to live with his ex-wife and have children with her he visited me only to get his office work done and to use and abuse me in 2006 I was diagnosed with Bell's palsy a paralysis that had distorted my face you are ugly he said to me I began to loathe myself and sat for hours in the washroom clenching a fist full of Tylenol pills lights turned out and tears flooding down my distorted face I wanted to die but my children I was terrified to leave my

children alone in 2013 I was diagnosed with cancer a cancer that had spread to my lymph nodes that was devastating to me I had lived in the constant threat of my children being snatched away in the fear that my husband would have me deported and now I was afraid that I was going to die yes I died who you see in front of you now is not that sleep woman but a champion who overcame adversity in her own life on the day of my surgery as I lay on the surgery table in the operating room and made a promise to myself that if I lived

I would save myself and my children from this miserable life of abuse we deserved better that moment that adversity gave to me was a gift and in that moment I was freed I'm relieved to share with you that I'm happily divorced and live a joyous life with my children I have written two books that are in production and created a program called be your own North Star that empowers women to be their own guiding force my purpose now is to share my message for every mother who thinks her daughter is a burden a father will only want a son for every sister who instigates and

provokes her brother to demand for dowry a woman will be tortured and a family will fall apart and for every wife who rushes up her husband's atrocities a woman like me will be defiled and abused so my loving tribe especially those who are diminished by their own fears this voice is for you may my adversity be a gift that inspires you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.