Vince Luciani

Transcript

hi I'm Vince I always played sports growing up I played hockey but I just couldn't stick with it I played basketball I didn't want to mess around anymore I even played baseball that I just stopped because I have a fear of bats in all seriousness I always define myself as just an athlete until someone sat me down and asked me Vince who are you beyond what you do and boom all of my identities shattered and since then I've dedicated my life's work to guiding athletes to discover who they are beyond what they do because sometimes we forget what's underneath all of these titles and accomplishments

and it starts at an early age last year I was coaching my four-year-old cousin's soccer game and all the parents show up they've got their fold up chairs they got their coffee kids are running in circles bumping into each other and then the game starts I got a kid over here strategically picking dandelions I got a kid over here stopping in the middle of a play just to hug his opponent then we're on a breakaway and we kick the ball and we completely miss but sure enough the goalie on the other team picks up the net and shifts it over just that we would score

it was beautiful but as the game went on I searched and notice that some kids were getting really upset they would pout in cries they would come off to the sidelines I started to observe this was because parents were only cheering when they would either kick the ball or score and I'm looking at these kids going they don't care about kicking the ball they just want to be cheered for and loved so this is when the intention of the game completely shifted from playing for the love of the game to playing for the love of those watching I've been that kid at age four I

learned when I throw a ball I will be loved at age eight I learned when I get good grades I will be loved and as a teenager I learned when I make a pun I will be loved and slowly I search to learn who I was based on what gave me the most love and validation from others this is what I call an identity and the identities I put on became stronger and more complex as the years went on soon I had to dress a certain way just to feel accepted then I had to impress my boss just to feel appreciated soon I had to

say what others wanted me to say just to feel valued and all of a sudden I've morphed my entire being into doing everything for everyone else but myself and this process took me years to reverse and so what I've done is I've taken my life learning so package them up and I've helped thousands accelerate this process within themselves and in June of 2017 I had my toughest client my dad for Father's Day and I asked him I said dad I'm not gonna buy anything just block off some time I'm gonna take you out for lunch I'm gonna take you through an exercise did I take

my athletes through answering the question who are you so the day comes he's got his binder filled with paper different colored pens a nice childlike grin on his face just so fired up to spend some time with me and so we get to this restaurant we sit down in this corner and I asked him dad who are you and he starts to confidently write and over the course of an hour he starts to share with me finn's I'm a father I'm a teacher I'm a husband I'm a cook and he was very stubborn about defining himself as his titles and I said yeah dad those

are all great but if those were all branches to your tree what would be at the root of your tree and he said easy helping people I was like dad that's that's great but what do you have inside here that allows you to help people and he looked down at the paper and then he looked up at me and he said love so I said dad who are you he said I am love and then he started to cry here was the 68 year old man who had been living into all these identities his entire life laboring for the love of everyone else around him

only to realize that the love he was craving from others has been inside of in this entire time six weeks later I get a phone call from my mother she says Vince you need to come home your father's had another heart attack and so I rush home and I spend these final days with him in his halls in the hospital while he's completely unconscious and I remember a moment where I I held his hand and I looked him in the eyes and in that moment I realized I was gonna be left with the father I was going to be left with the cook and I

wasn't gonna be left with the teacher but I will always be left with his love my father was a beautiful beautiful man and he was so generous with his love but he didn't leave much for himself and I strongly believe that if he gave himself even a fraction of the love that he gave to everyone around him that he would still be here today I believe the love we seek from others is the same love that exists inside of us sometimes we just need to lift up our titles labels and accomplishments to find it see for me now instead of relying on throwing a ball

making a pun or impressing my boss to get love I get it from looking in the mirror hey Vince what's up you're my best friend and I love you you see I believe I define my love I define my life and therefore I define my legacy so when I look down I'm the only one who needs to read it so let me ask you who are you underneath all of your identities my name is Vince and I am loved thank you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.