Donna Murphy

Transcript

I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. Sitting in a quiet Catholic church next to a priest, wondering how I, an atheist, ended up here. It was like the beginning of a bad joke. A Catholic and an atheist are sitting on a bench. And one question running through my mind, if he finds out who I really am, am I going to belong here? Because for most of my life, I believed belonging came with conditions. Growing up with a father who made it clear, no God, no church, no brainwashing.

He said free thinkers, free to question, challenge, and choose. But I was never warned that freedom without belonging felt like isolation. I remember as a child sitting in class and the teacher asking one question, "What is your religion?" And I froze in terror. Everybody had an answer. Christian, Muslim, Hindu, certain in who they were and where they fit in. And there I sat like a statue. So I did what we learned to do early on. I put on a mask and I gave an answer that wasn't mine.

And that mask became my road. The world got one version, home got another. I adopted whatever version I had to to avoid humiliation and rejection. Do you see my greatest fear wasn't that I was wrong? It was being seen and rejected. So, I got good at walking at in multiple worlds, a very good chameleon. Until one day, it caught up to me when a supervisor at work decided she was going to make an example out of me and publicly in front of my peers every word, every laugh, confirmation you don't belong.

I wasn't just embarrassed. I was exposed as if every mask was just ripped off. And while I wanted to I didn't. I went home and I asked myself who am I without those masks? And I didn't know. But somehow that question led me here to this church, to that bench to Father Michael. And I remember wondering, what do I even say to him? I mean, he's looking at me, I'm looking at him. He's looking at me and I am looking at him.

And I decided to try something different for the first time. See him as a person, not a priest, and told the truth. I told him I'm always masking and hiding and shrinking just to avoid rejection. And that even when I did speak up, I was too much. If I help someone face their fears I was a threat. And if I refused to shrink, I was risking rejection. I said I feel alone. And Father Michael looked at me, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I looked right back at him and he smiled with this unwavering understanding, not pity.

He said, "Donna, there's two paths in this world. Over here he said is crowded with people who all want to think, act, and behave the same way just to fit in. And there's another path. It's yours. It's quieter over there, less traveled. But over there they have real conversations. They question and challenge each other to help each other grow. He said, "Your struggle isn't that you don't belong. Your struggle is you keep leaving your road to stand on theirs." Have you ever felt like that?

He was right. That hit me. I toggle between who I really am and who I think I need to be to stay acceptable and approved of. He said, "Stay on your path. It's yours. And yes, it's lonely, but you won't need that mask anymore." And on that day, I did not become religious. I became honest. And just like my father said, free to question, challenge, and choose my voice, my path, walk my road. And here's what I learned. We live in a world of masks.

We filter our thoughts. We edit our beliefs just to stay acceptable, approved of, and safe. The road less traveled asks otherwise. It asks you to show up as who you are, not who they expect, not who they want, but who you truly are. And yes, it's lonely and uncomfortable. And freeing. So if you find yourself standing in two worlds wearing a mask that's too tight, it might be time to stop crossing back and forth and choose your path and walk your road.

Thank you.

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.