you belong here
Speaking on the theme The Underdog at Speaker Slam® in Toronto on Jul 15, 2025, Happie Micah Edwards delivered “you belong here”.
Transcript
I'm 8 years old and I'm on the playground and I'm excited because it's almost my turn to be the brown girl in the ring. Cha la. Then one of the boys walked by and says, "Why are you doing that with the girls?" Pauline, big daughter. My mommy's name is Pauline. So they're calling me a girl. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. And I realized that I need to be different. So as I grow older, I try to be as straight as possible.
I walk straight. I wear the straightest clothes, like pants that don't even fit me the slightest. I can't look gay and I can't be a gay because if I am, that means I'm going to burn in hell. I'm told this at church on Sundays and I hear it in the dance hall songs. It's like boom bye bye. 14 years later, I'm in downtown Toronto in the summer and I'm wearing a crop top, some booty shorts, strutting through the streets. Now that I am in Canada and I have applied for refugee status, flamboyance has been fully unleashed.
Then a car drives past with the windows down and somebody shouts, "Bon a fire upon a batty boy. Burn gay man with fire. My heart starts pounding. I feel this tightness in my stomach and beads of sweat on my shoulders. And I feel like I can't breathe. I have this piercing sensation like somebody's found me out because they understand what I fundamentally know to be true. There is something wrong with me. I used to think it was because I was gay.
And then I came out and started going to gay bars. And even though there were supposed to be places for people like me, I would still feel like I don't belong here because maybe I don't belong anywhere. 14 years after arriving in Canada, I'm sitting in this big room with a diversity of people at our citizenship ceremony. I'm feeling grateful, but also I hate these uptight formalities, so I'm rolling my eyes. But then the judge says something I'll never forget. Citizenship is not what grants you belonging.
No matter where you're from or what you have done, you belong here. Now go live that way. Tears flood my eyes. My hands are shaking. But I'm not afraid. In his words, I recognized in myself the underdog who risked it all to live in truth. I belong here. I belong everywhere. Two weeks later, I'm on a bike wearing a purple dress and uh listening to Beethoven. When I stop at a red light, suddenly I feel an energy to my right. So I turn and I see a guy standing there swaying slightly with his mouth open.
So I pull my headphones out and I say, "Sorry." And he says, "Bonafi boy." My heart starts pounding. I feel this tightness in my stomach and beads of sweat on my shoulders. But straight away my stomach relaxes and that sweat turns into euphoria and I I'm like, I've been recognized, celebrated. So I turn to him and I say, "Thank you." And is there anything else? He looks confused and like I'm also confused. Then his friend comes over and says, "Oh, no problems here."
and walks him up the street. The light changes. I'm biking along. My body is still heightened but not frightened. My heart is thumping but I'm not thinking about danger. All I'm thinking about is how I feel liberated. I realize the judge it was right. In order for me to belong wherever I am, I need no validation. If you ever feel like you don't belong, try this right now. Take a breath. Notice the voice in your head that tells you you don't belong.
Now shift from the voice to the sensation of your breathing. Shift from thinking to the awareness in your body. Your body is here. It needs no validation to be here. You don't need the opinions of other people to accept yourself. We don't need anyone or anything to grant us belonging. No matter where you're from or what you have done, you belong here. Now go live that way.
Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.