Jonathan Andrews

Transcript

when i was a boy the world was my oyster i was athletic driven girls like me my possibilities were endless until they weren't in high school i suffered a devastating downward spiral medically diagnosed with clinical depression i was on the verge of drowning this my story ian was a close family friend i played hockey with his son he helped my dad build our deck hell he even made my grandpa's dentures not with wood he was a denturist then one day my teacher sat me down in the library beside two of my best friends and broke the news dean was found in his garage hanging from

a rope this was the first man in my life that would kill himself all my friends and family seemed to grieve and move on i didn't i felt small problems that used to feel like only ripples in the water peer pressure deadlines girls begin to feel like tidal waves at the time i'm thinking to myself how could this happen i just saw you laughing i just saw your smile you looked and sounded fine and now you're dead it was as if all of a sudden the sun stopped shining for me so i started taking a knife to my arm cutting myself on the verge of

drowning my dad stepped in and he showed me that i wasn't alone i'll always remember that defining day my alarm went off at seven and i immediately unplugged it he came in my room like he had every day for months desperate to get me out of bed and into class our struggle lasted over an hour back and forth and back and forth until finally he says i [ __ ] had it and he leaves convinced that i won that round i rolled over to go back to sleep and just then he burst back into the room this time carrying a big bucket of water and

he pours it all over me holy [ __ ] that got me up and then he looked me in the eyes and he said something that has stuck with me all these years he said son i can't imagine what you're going through but i promise to sit here as long as you need you are not alone i am alive today because that man fought for me and that struggle opened my eyes to the bigger picture that globally every minute of every day some man is killing himself that the state of our men's mental health is a global crisis now it's dean's memory and the memory

of all the men that we've lost that gives me the strength to fight back and i do by supporting the movement for youth mental health education by leading men's circles where we don't need to man up or struggle alone because we give a [ __ ] about each other and i fight back in the same way that you can that somebody gives a damn that you're not alone dad stand up all i want is to be the man you've been for me for the men in my life it's because of you that we all know it only takes one person who cares enough let's change

the world

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

I have a voice and dammit I'm gonna use it last year I said to myself that by the end of 2017 I'll have spoken at my first high school I made it my mission to help remove the stigma that surrounds mental health and make normal a conversation that continues to be taboo six years ago I was diagnosed with the clinical depression my friends didn't know my family didn't know and my teachers had no clue nobody knew because I felt like a burden to my friends and my family that I experienced self-harm substance abuse and thoughts of suicide now I know that was a mistake and

last year when I look back at that time with crystal clarity I said to myself that nobody should suffer in silence that it was time for me to speak up inspired I began and like so many of you in this room fighting for what I believed in meant creating content building my skills as a speaker and developing a network of mentors that could point me in the right direction holy [ __ ] the ball started rolling they say I might be getting the hang of it but how many of you can remember a time in your life in pursuit of your goals where you hit

a brick wall and everything came tumbling down after only a few short months of progress I developed severe pain in my throat it got so bad I was in the emergency room with the tube up my nose and down my throat i sat there crying I was devastated I felt defeated and wondered if I was going down the right path I asked myself all the questions that we ask ourselves when hit with obstacles is this even worth it am i making a difference hell should just shave my head and become some silent monk somewhere I felt like just when I found my calling my voice

abandoned me I learned the hard way that sometimes the only way to reignite the flame of your inspiration is to be reminded of why he started that same December I visited my girlfriend in Guelph in the middle of her exams she tells me that one of our students committed suicide this week I later found out that that was the fourth student that killed themselves and that those families would never see their children again we'll never know if one conversation could have prevented those tragedies but I do know that no matter how bad the pain is Imai throat right now it'll never compare to the torture

and the hardship that those families experienced that day becoming an advocate for youth suffering with mental illness one from being a should too a must that day I made the decision to finish my goal and I did and I have to say I'll never forget the smiles and the sharing and those students that laughed at all my corny jokes despite the pain I no longer have a choice that day in Guelph I found my voice my question you all is happy you found yours speaker slam hands up and keep them up if you have a voice look around Buddha said that I alone cannot change

the world but I can cast a stone across the waters and create many ripples when I see all your hands I'm reminded of why I joined this community in the first place I know that no one person can change the world but I'm convinced that it's going to be because of the leaders in this room who use their voice to cast their own stones and it'll be our collective ripples that changed the world thank you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

you may be surprised to know that for most of my life so far I have swam in an overwhelming feeling of inferiority my attitudes and self-image have been so profoundly negative I was absolutely certain that most people were smarter than me they're better looking at me and more athletic than me and looking back I realized most of what I believed about myself wasn't really rational I got AIDS I was a competitive athlete and I had girlfriends sexy girlfriends but even then I almost drowned in the pool of my own self-loathing I remember at 13 years old I compete at the national level of trampoline edible

for 50 kids most of the many years older than I was I finished ninth place in Canada by a show of hands thank you how many of you would agree that that's an impressive accomplishment well you know what I hated myself for what I thought represented a miserable personal failure I said to myself I'm just no [ __ ] good I will never be on their level I beat myself up so badly for that ninth place finish that I quit the sport forever I sunk deeper I started spending a lot of time alone and abusing drugs sleeping in smoking meat and skipping class became my

pattern I felt into a deep feeling of depression and persistent anxiety but tonight is about transformation and I am no longer that guy I used to be free to share my story I used to think people would look at me and they would say that's it a competitive athlete lost and had some negative self-talk boohoo man give me a break but the same person that inspired me to share my story tonight said to me Jonathan this isn't about you you don't know who your story will resonate with you don't know who's going through the exact same thing in this very moment so for those of

you tonight that personally know the depth of the hole that I was in I wish I could say there was one defining moment that changed everything but we all know that enduring change doesn't happen in a moment it takes time the best advice that I ever got was that 18 years old through the headphones on my iPod the guru Jim Rohn shared to me he said you could not change the destination of your life overnight but you can change your direction let me repeat that one more time he says you cannot change the destination of your life overnight but you can't change your direction it

took me years to rewire my brain years for me to realize that my saving grace would we would be when I decided to be more like Frankenstein when I decided to turn the envy that I felt when I looked at others and to turn it into inspiration and for those of you that are looking at me wondering if you heard me correctly yes I said like Frankenstein the monster made up of other people's body parts to me being like Frank an assignment I didn't have to look at other people and see them as better than me but instead I could pick and I could choose

and I could take all of the characteristics that I admired and I appreciated about people and I could blend them into my own character it was so simple it meant that I could just borrow my confidence from my dad and then I could take the love that I feel for myself now for my sister and then I could be inspired to be more giving like my mother Jim Rohn also said that you become the average of the people you spend most time with so I started to relentlessly seek out the best people and the best communities to be a part of communities like this one

today today at 21 years old I am part of one of the richest communities in Toronto a community of public speakers of both dreamers and of grand achievers you all have given me the greatest gift the gift to weave what makes all of you so great into the fabric of Who I am you tonight are all part of my story of transformation and because of you when I decided to take your Jim Rose advice when I decided to turn the envy that I felt when I looked at others and it turned into inspiration when I decided to be more like Frankenstein I didn't change the

destination of my life overnight but I quickly changed my direction

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.