Justin Senense

Transcript

it's my final call back for the Broadway Revival of King and I Lincoln Center I am standing there face to face Heart to Heart with those who would decide my fate the room is cold intense but I am here to warm it up so I smile take a deep breath not to the accompanist and the music begins I have dreamed I am living the lyrics out loud my dream is within reach one last hurdle the climax of the song set to the lyrics I will love being loved by you the highest note sung on the word love meant to soar and transcend its meaning I

will love my voice cracks the director says let's try again my voice cracks again he says all you have to do is prove to us that you can sing this once today okay I am freaking out the room is a blur but the show must go on so I smile take a deep breath not to the accompanist and I get two more chances something I had done trained for years and I can't do it when it matters most I crash onto a stage of failure my dream is slipping away and all I want to do is slip out of there go home and hide I

get outside and the freedom of a Brisk fall wind hits me with a Moment of clarity not all dreams are made to reach but every dream made is made to teach not all dreams are made to reach but every dream made is made to teach you see before I walked into the audition room I was repeating you got this you can do this they'll love you just believe my mouth saying those words but my mind my heart my body feeling the opposite I don't have this I can't do this they won't love me I don't believe but every dream made is made to teach so

instead of going home to sulk in my failure I changed my path and I walk directly to a practice room I get to the practice room and I start to sing first time through the highest note song on the word love meant to soar and transcend its meaning comes out I sing a second time I got this a third time I can do this a fourth time I reach a stage of belief I continue to practice believe repeat and on the eighth time I start to hear the words differently I will love being loved by you on the ninth time I've fined and feel the

love I long to receive I will love being loved by you and on the tenth time I find the love I have Within I will love being loved by me my dream teaching me to love myself propelling me through stages and on to stages beyond my imagination I become the top Trader at a New York elite private gym championing women to love themselves through every stage in life I start on screen in multiple films and earn my first nomination as best actor I even throw my name in my very first speaking competition and win propelling me onto this very stage tonight because a dream is

the energy that gives momentum to Evolution a dream is the energy that gives momentum to Evolution when we dream we always evolve onto a stage we are meant to be foreign

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

i am not enough i don't do enough i don't have enough i am not worth wild for years i have struggled with these beliefs until i realized something i am a unicorn a unicorn is someone who learns to embrace their shame in order to shine in their most authentic light when i was 12 i remember hiding from my bullies in a boy's bathroom stall he's so gay he's so weird let's beat him up [ __ ] i stood there scared just wishing i would disappear for years after i would hide myself in my studies and my books so that i could escape those feelings that

took root in me when i was 12. i'm not enough i don't do enough i don't have enough i am not worth while amidst my struggle to hide i did promise myself that when i loved another man i would come out and i did i was 24. i strategically came out to my parents right before they had to go to work while they were getting in the car i wouldn't let my mom close the passenger side door and i said i have something to tell you i am gay my mom said no you're not and my dad said we'll deal with that later the next

day an argument was had that ended in these words i will never forget i want the son i raised back the feelings that took root in me at 12 were in full bloom at 24 that i am not enough that i don't do enough that i don't have enough that i am not worth while shame hides in all of us but when we embrace our shame we begin to shine one day my therapist said to me justin i have these four sentences for you that you must apply to yourself every day they will be your medicine let's practice in front of a mirror i stood

there in front of the mirror face to face eye to eye with myself for the first time and said i am enough i do enough i have enough i am worth while the tears began to well up in my eyes and my body began to shake my right hand was so tight enough this so tightly wanting to hold on and so desperately wanting to let go the power of the tears was so strong that i was knocked to my feet and then i heard the embrace of my therapist's words justin you were a resilient young boy who learned to withstand and withhold so many emotions

you no longer have to do that all you have to do is feel feeling my shame is the healing each morning with gentle discipline i embrace my shame and apply my medicine to myself with compassion i am enough i do enough i have enough i am worthwhile each sentence embraces the 12 year old me and shines light to never hide yourself even when you want to disappear each sentence embraces the 24 year old me and shines light to love yourself unconditionally because that is the key to giving and receiving love when my parents said i want the sun i raced back i realized they saw

a son living in shame not the sun they raised in love unconditional a son still seeking love validation and acceptance outside of himself a son seeking an embrace yet unable to give and receive one from himself i have spent so many years hiding my story even finding refuge as an artist and performer as a vessel to tell others stories today i am here as the vessel to finally tell my story to shine light to the unicorn that i am that in the face of it all even when shame arises as it will with gentle discipline i will embrace my shape and apply my medicine to

myself compassionately this time not just in front of a mirror but in front of you all to declare and shine in i am enough i do enough i have enough and i am worthwhile i stand a unicorn rising from shame to shine you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.