Malcolm Hooper

Transcript

it was nine years old when i felt black for the first time like white without the sunburn or too black for the white population and too white for the black population scratch that i was nine years old when i felt different for the first time the first question that comes to mind is why did it take nine years shouldn't the question be why did you have to feel different at all it's funny how our brains are conditioned to to assume that as an adopted child i simply started looking into my past at age nine out of curiosity and not the fact that this was one

of the worst days of my life i remember that it was warm and sunny out warm enough for a t-shirt and shorts excitement was building the school because summer was coming and so was grade five as soon as the recess bell rang my friends and i took off for the foursquare court where we spent many days trying unsuccessfully to beat the sixth graders nothing was particularly different about this day except this was the day i was gonna win about halfway through recess i sent a nice hit across the square to knock out the king and started to walk across what do you think you're doing

in my square [ __ ] ask the older boy i looked around startled and started to explain why i believed that he was out completely oblivious of the racial slur my friends and onlookers stopped anticipating a fight but i having never heard the word do not understand what do you mean i ask a question that fell upon deaf ears why did the air suddenly become so thick that i'm having trouble breathing and when did my legs become so heavy i asked myself as i headed to the back of the line out of all the questions forming my head two things were certain number one that

was no ordinary word and number two i was no ordinary boy later that day i was in the kitchen helping my adopted father and father and brother put away the dishes dad am i different i asked when is my brother's skin color gonna darken like mine my father who had his back to me with a tea towel draped over shoulder turned around startled and looked at me what happened he asked i was nine years old when i felt scared for the first time not like afraid of the dark like some kids at school know exactly like that but they were still afraid in broad daylight

was it because i was the dark i was nine years old when i felt angry for the first time not mad or disappointed but blood boiling heart pumping behind the eyes angry but with who and for what i was nine years old when i learned about my identity for the first time not because i wanted to but to prepare myself for the harsh realities of the world but i was also nine years old that i learned that racists take these rights away and not white people a kid that could never understand that before age nine there was no color that somewhere along the lines they

learned that someone else was lesser than them because they didn't look the same and that the concept could not be unlearned but they were wrong nelson mandela wrote no one is born hating another person because of the color of her skin or his background or his religion people must learn to hate and if they can learn to hate they can be taught to love but like learning anything new one must be patient and persistent not like we're learning to ride a bike with recklessness and aggression but more like planting a flower with consistent attention and selflessness we must also understand that while we are not

planting the same flower we are working simultaneously in the same garden that our individual sprouts demonstrate our growth and understanding but are still too fragile to stand alone i was nine years old when i felt black for the first time like a beautiful blend of my mother's white and my father's black or a caramel hazelnut blend that was neither too black nor too white to fit perfectly because there was only one human race scratch that i was nine years old when i felt proud for the first time thank you you

Transcript generated from the recording and shown as captured, without added punctuation. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.

Transcript

your mind is your most powerful tool but what if it's broken can it be fixed on average 10 Canadians will take their own life today that means in the next six minutes that I have to present this speech there's potential for someone to do so so I'll be as direct as possible and hopefully reach someone who needs to hear this today even at your darkest time you're destined for something greater let me say that again even at your darkest time you're destined for something greater I know because it was this belief that kept me from being a part of that statistic and gave me the

microphone today let me explain I was a mixed-race child growing up in a predominantly white town raised by two white adopted parents and by age 16 we had a falling out and I was removed from the family home I was homeless and broken I've been removed from my biological families care due to exposure of crack cocaine and on account of my father being incarcerated for a violent crime I was then sent to a loving foster home only to be adopted after three years because they lost their biological son to a fight against cancer at age 15 I was then brought to a small town where

I was mistaken for the other mixed-race child at my public school the teachers would call me by his name each and every day and I never corrected them how can a sixth grader believe that there's greatness within them when they're not even being called by their own name I remember being called [ __ ] for the first time on the playground at school and I was confused as to why the other students were expecting me to fight him it wasn't until I went home crying that day that I learned that I was different from every other kid at school and my brother and the parents

explaining this all to me it wasn't until I asked when my adopted brothers skin color was gonna darken like mine that I realized that I didn't fit into this life that was laid out before me that I was just blending in this led to years of confusion and frustration I began asking questions that always came back with the same answer Malcolm we will tell you when you're older I had to wait to find out these intense details about my own past but that talk never came because by age 16 I was sitting on the cold curb in the middle of January with $15 in my

bank account and this letter from the Orangeville Police Service stating that I'm not welcome on or near the property of my parents house and I've carried that with me both physically and emotionally I was at my darkest time when my parents left that night to bring my brother to hockey having nowhere else to go I went back to the house I opened the garage door and closed it behind me I knew that I had a bit of time but that my parents would send me out if they found me so I quickly searched the garage and found an old outdoor carpet I climbed on top

of the hockey net to the top of the garage where there was a 3-foot opening that my father had built using nails and plywood this was used for storing the winter tires I pushed the tires to the side laid down the carpet and crawled into the space I laid in the freezing cold pitch-black confined space and I cried I cried until it was too cold and tired to cry anymore I cried until I found myself on the gym roof of my public school that was far too easy to climb staring at the playground beneath me or the sense of calm this was the first time

I thought about killing myself but it wasn't the last I remember the feel of the steel edge beneath my feet slippery from the snow I stood up there hoping someone would notice and call the police not because I wanted to be stopped but because I wanted someone to care but that was the thought that also make me take a step backwards towards safety that I'm not broken the people who don't fit in are the people who stand out the belief that even then at my darkest time that I was going to have a lasting impact on the world and not the pavement beneath me because

I was once told they say your life flashes before your eyes make it worth watching and I didn't like what I watched her and my time spent on that gym roof I healed my mind I became comfortable with being different my friends family took me off the street to watch me succeed I know have a place to go home to during the holidays and there are presents under the tree with my name on a Christmas time I have gone on to the post secondary school where I capped in Durham colleges men's first rugby team to know c-double-a gold medal I have earned numerous rugby and

academic achievements and I have more extended family than I can begin to count four years ago the family that took me in sat me down and walked me through the process of getting my adoption paperwork last year it came in four files this thick about my true identity from birth to age six the mother called me was at work and she said that the content was dark and that I should read it with someone so naturally I read it alone it contained all of the information heard here tonight but finally I was calm I was calm because I was happy with who I was and

I didn't need a file to tell me that the past doesn't define me I define me and if there's one thing I'd ask you to take away from my speech it's the belief that everyone even at their darkest times is destined for something greater because I conquered mine and it saved my life thank you

Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.