Overcoming Bullying and Finding Purpose
Speaking on the theme Power of Belief at Speaker Slam® in Toronto on May 28, 2019, Rachel Weinstock took the stage with a five minute story.
Transcript
six years old the first time I wanted to kill myself in this schoolyard there was a six foot tall light brown wooden cedar wall where the boys would play handball against most days I could safely hide behind it trying to become invisible I was desperate to conceal my shame of no one wanting to play with me and it worked until one day a group of kids made a spy club they would follow me around every single recess pointing and laughing magnifying the heartbreak of my loneliness hiding behind that wall every day I would wish with my whole heart for a teacher to float down like
a magical fairy godmother she would have kind eyes long curly hair a shimmering gown and a wand that sparkles in the light compassion would be the magic that she would spread and she would have the incredible ability with one flick of her wand to make all the bullying stop day after day hiding behind that wall tears streaming down my face I waited for her to save me as the months and years went by I could no longer hide behind that wall so I found other ways to hide I hid behind my hair I hid behind my arts I hid behind anything I could hiding always
hiding standing behind that wall at six years old I was waiting for someone to save me and that's when I realized I had to save myself I had to grow up and become that teacher and my name would be Miss rainbow fairy and that's exactly who I became fast-forward 30 years later I'm back in the classroom but this time I'm the teacher it's right before recess and the student comes up to me and says miss rainbow fairy I love playing with dolls wow you must have the most incredible imagination the smile that spread across her face could have lit up the entire room as she
skipped out the door but after recess something had drastically changed she walked her desk put her head down and began to cry I immediately went up to her and said sweetheart what's wrong she turned to the class and said you all make fun of me because I play with dolls but I play with them because none of you will play with me and I am so lonely you cannot hear a pin drop in the class my eyes immediately well up with tears and in an instant I'm back to hiding behind that 6-foot wall I take a breath I turn to the class and I gently
say put your hand up if you've ever felt lonely before I raise my hand first and then every single one of my students raises theirs in that moment I could feel a shift in energy their hearts opening to kindness and compassion and it was as if that energy rippled back in time to my little six-year-old girl but this time I had a message for her here little six-year-old self many years after hiding behind that while in the playground you are going to realize that all the horrible things you were told are not true and I know I know sometimes you will think you cannot go
on please do not give up hope because all this pain has a purpose you will grow up and become the teacher that you needed most as a child you will fiercely believe in every single one of the potentials of your students and this will change countless lives you will grow up and become the fairy godmother teacher and your suffering will make this world a better place and that is the most valuable reason to stay alive hold on to that belief Rachel because you can and you will do great things so here's the thing that letter is not just for my six-year-old self it's also for
all of yours every time you felt lost lonely or like you didn't fit in every time your tender heart was traumatized or even you wanted to die this is for you this is for the survivors and the thrivers we can take our mess and create it into a masterpiece we can take our story and write a new ending and we can take our deepest pain and turn it into our greatest gift for the world
Transcript generated from the recording and lightly cleaned. Some names and wording may differ from the spoken speech.