Daniel Burns

Transcript

foreign ass Hey look it's thunder thighs I was eight years old the first time I took my shirt off in the boys locker room stood there in my tighty whities with my fat rolls hanging over the waistband and over in the corner there was a couple boys who were just pointing and laughing at me and inside of me bubbled this mixture of rage and embarrassment and it bubbled up through my chest and almost out my eyes but I knew that Boys Don't Cry so I held it all in until I got home and then I let it all out I would just stare in the

mirror and I would cry I could see the bright red stretch marks on my love handles I knew that that was a sign that my body didn't fit in I just didn't look like the other kids and up on my wall I had this picture of The Incredible Hulk and the Hulk was incredible because he was just a normal guy most of the time but when his emotions got all bubbled up his muscles popped out and he got strong and powerful and I thought well that'd be cool if it ever happened to me but it didn't so instead I just covered myself up I didn't

want anyone to see my body and I didn't want anyone to know how I felt inside and I stayed the fat kid up until the age of 15. and then at 15 well my hormones started going crazy and all my guy friends were losing their virginity one by one they were getting to the end zone and me I was stuck in the friend zone I wanted a girlfriend so bad but I knew I would have to change my body so I started working out and lifting weights and 12 months later I completely transformed myself I lost 85 pounds and wouldn't you know it Along Came

Charlotte Charlotte was my first real girlfriend oh I was so in love I was the smitten kitten and the big night finally rolled around I wanted it to be perfect so put on a nice cologne I had minty fresh breath and I laid out a nice warm fuzzy blanket in the back seat of my parents Ford Explorer oh yeah it was the shagged wagon baby the windows were fogging up the clothes were coming off but guess what stayed on for the condom the condom stayed on that was good that was good but so did my shirt even with the first girl that I said I

love you too I cover it up you see I was so embarrassed after all that weight loss I had all this loose skin around my stomach so I went and got a procedure done that no man wants to stand on the stage and talk about I got a tummy tuck they cut four pounds of loose skin off my body and I didn't stop there see I always wanted to look like that image of The Incredible Hulk so I hired a bodybuilding coach and I entered a bodybuilding show yeah me the fat kid I started lifting weights and drinking protein shakes until the morning of the

show rolled around and that's when I went back to the mirror and finally finally I saw the image that I had always wanted to see I had ripped abs and bulging biceps I looked incredible like the Hulk and as I pump myself up backstage I thought I wish those bullies Could See Me Now and then they called my name and I strutted out onto that stage this time no tighty whities and I hit my first pose and I looked out into the crowd and it's when everything just went blank and it was like I was transported right back to that locker room it was all

a big lie I changed everything on the outside and still somehow on the inside I felt like that little eight-year-old boy just so worried that somebody was going to say hey Fatso you don't belong up there and in my journey from fat to fit has my bodies evolved through all these different versions of myself here's what I've learned real strength real strength comes when we Face our fears of judgment and criticism real strength comes when we can be our most authentic selves real strength comes when we can be vulnerable amen men did you hear me vulnerability it's a superpower so don't cover up who you

really are on the inside or the outside because I'll bet right now the version of you that's here with me today you are all ready pretty damn incredible

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Transcript

in 1989 at 12 30 p.m every saturday afternoon a tv show came on that absolutely blew my teenage mind i swear to god the whole house could have burned down around me and i would not have even noticed the camera would pan down to the end of the arena and all you would see is this long black curtain and you didn't know who was gonna bust through those curtains next but the crowd was frenzied with anticipation and when they hit that first note of the theme music oh everybody knew what was coming next and then a young hulk hogan would burst onto the scene with

all the power of the little hulkamaniacs and let me tell you something brother i was hooked i was saying my prayers i was eating my vitamins because i knew that my dream was to become a pro wrestler and every saturday after that i pictured myself in the center of the squared circle holding that championship belt my theme music playing and the whole crowd chanting my name daniel daniel so when high school came i joined the wrestling team but in high school i was severely overweight and completely out of shape but that didn't matter because i was chasing my dreams and the day came when i

had my first wrestling tournament i was so excited i went right up to the board to check which category i was in first i checked the heavyweight category but my name wasn't there then i checked the super heavyweight category but my name wasn't there did you know that there's a category above super heavyweight they called it the unlimited category and there was only one name in that category me daniel burns all alone what did that mean well it meant that i won a gold medal that day by default and all the kids that did get to wrestle that won medals well they came back to

school and they were showing them off and somebody noticed that i had my gold medal on and they said dan who did you have to beat today to get that gold and before i could tell my story one of my team members jumped in and said dan didn't wrestle anyone today they gave him the gold medal for being the fattest kid in the tournament and then everybody laughed except me my eyes just welled up with tears and i could tell you i didn't feel like a champion that day i felt like a complete embarrassment in life we have these little moments don't we little moments

that hurt us a lot i feel like my weight that's the thing that i've been wrestling with my whole life and sometimes it can take a lifetime for these things to heal that day when all the kids made fun of me that wasn't a surprise what was a surprise though is what happened next all that hurt and all that pain it's like somebody just flipped a switch and i finally started to fight back i finally started to get up off the mat out from all the weight of all that criticism what's the weight that's holding your dreams down did somebody say that you're not good

enough that you're not smart enough that you're not pretty enough get up off the mat and fight back do you think you're too old you think you don't have enough time or enough money get up off the mat fight back fight back against the weight of the world the weight of your problems the weight of all those opinions fight back because your dreams are unlimited your potential is unlimited you can choose to be the best version of yourself at any moment you can choose to be a champion so don't stop fighting for your dreams until your hand gets raised until your theme song comes on

and until the whole world is chanting your name keep fighting because your gold medal moment it's coming you

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have you ever had a moment where you felt like a complete failure yes i was 14 years old the first time that i felt failure it was the first time that fear had put me in a choke hold so tight every thought in my mind went blank i was 14 years old and i was standing on a stage just like this one in the grand finals of my very first public speaking competition and i froze i was standing there on stage speechless yeah speechless in a speaking competition that speech ended with me wiping away my tears and exiting the stage feeling completely humiliated in that

moment my self-confidence was rocked now i don't know about all of you but in high school i was short on self-confidence to begin with i was the fat kid at my school and when you're the fat kid you don't get to wear all the coolest clothes so i wasn't the cool kid i wasn't the athlete i wasn't the smart kid and i definitely wasn't the guy who got all the girls in high school like many of you may have felt i was just trying to figure out where do i fit in and what could i be good at and i think that's what hurt the

most about failing in that public speaking competition that's not how i saw it ending what i pictured was it would end like it does in the movies you know with that big standing ovation from the crowd that would be my winning moment and i think to myself well i found something that i can be great at but it didn't end that way at all so what do you do when your dreams don't come true well we all know the old saying don't we if at first you don't succeed go home and eat your feelings away okay that might not be how the saying goes but

that's exactly what i did i went home and my mom did what my mom always did to make the pain go away she baked two dozen of the softest fluffiest meltiest crumbliest most delicious chocolate chip cookies i took those cookies with me down to the basement and i wrapped them around me like a soft warm blanket of melted chocolate and i escaped from all my feelings and then i indulged in my second favorite escape movies oh don't you just love how movies can transport you to a whole nother world away from all your feelings and i love movies like rocky and the karate kid you

know those movies where the league characters they had those big comeback moments in rocky you could hear it in the music it was that and then the winning moment came and those two characters had the qualities that all winners need to be great they had heart and they had courage they had the heart to believe in themselves that they could win and they had the courage to step in the ring to face their fears and take a swing at the thing that they loved the most so tonight the opportunity for me to face my fears has been reborn tonight all of you are the live

audience watching the movie of my life play out and you know what's different from that first time i failed everything i'm not that scared little fat kid anymore no look at me i'm a grown-ass man with a beard and even though the fear is still real tonight and i don't know how this movie is gonna end i'm standing here showing you my heart showing you my courage and taking my swing at the thing that i love the most and if there's one thing i've learned along the way it's this we can't escape our feelings and we can't undo our failures so if you have ever

felt like a failure if you have ever swung big and missed if you've ever been told you're too fat you're too short you're too tall if you've ever been told the dream won't happen that your movie it's not worth being made i say to you don't let someone else write your script it's your movie it's your story it's your life and that leading role it's meant for you all you need is hurt and courage and if fear knocks you down you get back up because you you are one tough cookie incoming incoming incoming yeah you

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alcohol you know I've been wanting to write you this letter for years now but I haven't had the perfect words to tell you how I really feel and honestly I've been scared to do it I can't believe I'm even writing this to you and thinking that we're going to break up because the truth is still really love you I mean it feels like we've been together my whole life at least since high school right you remember House Parties 15 friends all packed into a kitchen laughing dancing singing drinks overhead spraying beer into the ceiling and you'd wake up the next day on somebody's couch but

you had the best night of your life you never wanted it to end in those moments with you you helped me feel like I was accepted it helped me feel like I fit in and then we got even closer in University we went all in together you remember Pub crawls 25 friends all dressed in the same t-shirts crashing through the pub doors like an army pushing past the coat check and landing at the bar doing shots till 2 A.M those nights seem so Carefree I mean you'd wake up in the morning you'd have more stamps on your hands and you had memories and when I

was with you you just made me feel like I was going to be young forever that's what I always loved about you you know you've always been there for me I mean whenever I had a bad day I knew I could call you and you'd help me escape whenever I had a good day I knew I could call you and we'd celebrate anything I felt anxious worried stressed I'd call you and you'd always be there to distract me you're the one person I could call that just seemed to make everything okay but it's not okay it's not okay anymore I mean that's what you want

isn't it you want everybody to call you all the time that's your answer to everything just have a drink right go out with clients and have a drink come home and make dinner might as well have another drink it's the weekend what are we gonna do call you have another drink you just want everybody to love you you need to be the center of attention but I know your secret I know the truth you you don't love anyone you're selfish you take and you take and you take and every time we hang out together the next day there's always hell to pay I wake up

hungover anxious depressed I don't know what I said I don't know what I did don't know where my car keys are or how much money I spent that night I'm just so done with all that drama it's so toxic and look I know it's not you it's it's me I mean it takes two to tango right I mean why can't I just drink in moderation why can't I just have a couple drinks like we always talk about I always think that I can get close to you but it never works out I always end up over drinking because when it's good between us it's so

good but when it's bad it's a [ __ ] train wreck I mean you see that right you see the pattern it's so toxic we keep saying it's going to change but it never does so we just have to be done because honestly when I'm sober when you're not in my body my life is just way more beautiful and I deserve better my life deserves better my body deserves better and look I can't say that I'm never gonna drink again but I can tell you I don't want to drink today and if you call me tomorrow I'm not going to want to drink tomorrow either

so how about you forget about me and I just forget about you and we go our separate ways we just have to be done so alcohol lose my number would you

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i remember lying there on the operating table thinking did i really think this through was i really going to risk dying for this please god don't let me die this way and as i drifted out of consciousness i could feel the slight drag of the knife as it cut into my skin carving a 10 inch hole in my body and when i woke up the pain of the incision point where the knife went into my stomach it burned like somebody had melted my skin what the hell did i just do to myself as i lied on my living room couch heavily bandaged and still bleeding

trying to recover shame and depression came and sat down next to me like two unwanted house guests this wasn't how it was supposed to be i shouldn't feel down and out right now this was supposed to be my winning moment this procedure was supposed to make everything perfect the procedure i got done it's called the tummy tuck i feel embarrassed and vulnerable just saying those two words tummy tuck i mean it's not exactly the most manly thing i could choose to talk about i have a 10 inch scar from hip to hip and they cut four pounds of loose skin off my body they took

the skin from just below my belly button and stretched it down to my hips and then stitched me up you see up until the age of 15 i was severely overweight i was the fat kid that they made fun of in the locker room hey fatso lard ass hey thunder thighs those insults would leave a permanent scar on my self-confidence and i became so self-conscious i wouldn't take my shirt off in front of anyone i wouldn't take it off at the beach i wouldn't take it off at the pool i hid myself i covered up and i was ashamed of my body and the entire

time the same thoughts just kept going through my head if your body stays looking this way you're never gonna feel good enough you're never gonna fit in i was just so sick of it i was so sick and tired of failing at diet after diet i was so sick and tired of feeling not good enough and then at the age of 16 i walked into a grocery store and i picked up a bodybuilding magazine off the rack and i can remember looking inside the pages of that magazine and thinking these men are incredible strong and powerful and most of all they look so confident i

wanted that i wanted to be like them and i would do anything to get it so i bought every pill and every powder that they advertised and i started lifting weights and a year later i transformed my body losing 85 pounds finally i could take my shirt off and i could feel self-confident but when i looked in the mirror i didn't look like those guys i look like a deflated balloon all this leftover loose skin so i cut it all off thinking the perfect body would make the perfect life but when i looked in the mirror again then all i saw was that ugly scar

and the same voice in my head saying still not good enough have you ever looked inside the pages of a magazine or on instagram and saw someone's body and thought if i had their body my life would be perfect well what i've learned is that the perfect body doesn't equal the perfect life and having the perfect body doesn't give you confidence it's not having the perfect body and still feeling great about yourself that builds your confidence confidence comes from accepting yourself confidence comes from not caring what everyone else thinks about your body so don't just transform your body transform your thinking be kind to yourself

silence that inner critic that's in your head and know that you are enough that you have always been

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